30-Something : About that dating, courtship, whatever...

Seriously, if you asked me to write a book about courtship, I would title it I Almost Kiss Dating Goodbye.

Remember some years ago, a guy name Joshua Harris had the audacity to write a book I Kiss Dating Goodbye? Going to a conservative church during college, almost everybody read the book as if it was the second Bible for courtship (or non-courtship). 

Me, personally, I read a third of the book, and I wanted to chuck it out my dorm room window.  It wasn’t baloney to me, but it was borderline legalistic.  Don’t get me wrong, I noted a few good things, about being pure in any relationship with your fellow opposite gender.

Then Harris redeemed himself and wrote “Boy Meets Girl”.  I almost want to ask, “What is wrong with you?”  But then, there is love and grace, which I had to contain myself and not say anything.  Never read the book, don’t care to.

Some 10 years later after my last romantic relationship, I haven’t had a single date.

You have read correctly.  Almost 10 years have past.  I haven’t dated a soul.

Now, you may even ask me (in return), “What’s wrong with you?”

Honestly, I can’t tell you what’s wrong with me.  Or  what’s even right with me.  After a few years of church bopping, I landed in a church with a bunch of “singles”.  Actually, it was a large group of mostly divorced folks.  At first, it was weird, awkward as I soon found out I was the youngest true single (or maybe I should say unmarried) but I found the few who I trust and became friends with. 

Then a few weird, awkward things happened.  I was asked out on dates.  And not from guys my age.  There was one guy who was probably my dad age.  Oh boy…  I had to turn him down, gently.

Then there was a guy who… wasn’t all there.  I had to run away from him.

And then I would get some strange looks from a few guys.  Run away, run away!

Due to other reasons (not because of the above), I left that church.

And I landed at my current church, Mosaic Church in Charlotte.

I think I’ve learned a lot about waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.  I have been jaded and my thoughts might be a little skewed about the whole dating thing.  I almost don’t want to pray to God, “Please give me a tall, dark, and handsome Christian guy, who loves You and loves the people he serves.”  Sometimes I would make a list of what I want in a man, only to “scratch it” when God reveals something about me that I need to work on. 

“I want him to be rich and famous.”  Eh! (Think of the buzzer on America’s Got Talent.)
“Okay, can he just at least look like Tim Tebow??”  Eh! 
“Okay, at least, can he have blue eyes?”  Eh!
“Okay, God, I give up!”  Eh!  (God is telling me not to give up on my prayers.)

Often times, I felt like a failure to the human race.  Don’t worry, most unmarried women have felt this way.  We go through this stage of life.  It’s quite normal.  Most of us get through it somehow.

However, I almost want to play a game.  Not that we should test God but this is a good game, to test my own faith.

My pastor, Pastor Naeem Fazal, have often challenged us who are still single, “Wait.  I dare you to wait a year before you date again.”  A few sermons on this topic, he will share about him waiting about 3 years before he meant his wife, Ashley. 

I almost want to tell Naeem, very sarcastically, “What about 10 years?” 

And God tells me, “So, what about 10 years?”  If 9.5 years I have waited, why not half a more years.  Or even beyond.

And if I should wait, for God to make me the right woman and the right wife for a guy out there, I shall wait.  "Don't find the right person; be the right person."