"hello, world"! Specifically (in C programming):
int main()
{
printf("hello, world");
return 0;
}
First few lines... and I digress. :)
No, seriously...
I haven't blogged since August. Srsly, where was I? I actually had some thoughts to share since my last blog but I don't know what and where to start and how detailed I should get into.
It may be fitting to start off with one of my weird dreams. It's interesting to note that all my weird dreams occur in May. I've been having this reoccurring dream that I was working at an "institute" (most likely an educational institute), where I also find my engineering co-workers volunteer to tutor children computer technology. I had this dream twice. The last dream, I was in a bit of a panic because I couldn't find one of my co-workers to answer a question. It was that intense. Anywho, so, it makes me wonder what God is up to next. I'm not always the one to act on my dreams. I never took some of them seriously. But the reoccurring ones seem to bother me or interest me a little bit more. Like my dreams last year, about praying for China and a husband. Still praying! Actually, that was a little different because I heard this big booming voice in my dream. Yes, it was God talking to me. I wasn't "dreaming" (or was I).
I think God finally made me realize: I am a woman. I have emotions. I like to go shopping and wear some make-up. To recap about my childhood, I was borderline tomboy. I rather play with Legos and trains and I hung out with boys most of the time. Most of my closest friends are guys. I majored in engineering; I like science, math, and calculus. I like football and any type of contact sports. I like beer. Wings. Well, okay, I'll stop there.
But God made me woman. I have estrogen. And other things. And I like to dress up a little now. And wear make-up. I used to ignore my emotions during certain times but it's harder to control those emotions now for some reason. All I can do is try not to bite people's heads off and go home and cry. Maybe it's just the signs of growing older. *Sigh* Wears my ice cream?
Mehwiege (Marriage)
No, not getting married anytime... But I've been bitter lately. I think of all my friends, I'm one of the last few hold-outs when it comes to being single.
It was a pride thing really. For a while, I didn't want to date. I was very proud to be single. Who needs men? I have met many interesting guys, yes, but nothing that made my heart drop to my stomach. But after so long, here I am. Still single. I think my emotions and other things has started to catch up on me. Most of my friends are married, some with kids. As with many single women, I ask myself this question. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"
But as I learned today in church service, marriage is not for everybody. (1 Corinthians 7.) God did design marriage and God had a lot of lessons on being married (Ephesians 5.) But marriage doesn't bring happiness; marriage doesn't fulfill our "incompleteness." It is an example of the relationship the church has with God through Jesus. It is a covenant; a promise that one day we as Christians will be united with our Beloved. Definitely a mystery, as Ephesians 5 puts it.
But, God did ask me to pray for a husband. I'd like to think that He has a sense of humor in all this. In my frustration, my depression, my anxiety, He has a plan. As I draw nearer to Him, or even when I run away from Him for a time, He always tells me through the dreams I have been having, "I have a plan. Just you wait." :)
Now, I haven't dated in a long time. I don't even know what I'd do if some guy ask me out. I try to be myself. But if love (in the sense of a boy) does find me, I will probably act, dorky, goofy, out of sorts. It is left to my imagination, I guess, how I would react.
I guess there is nothing to be bitter about it then. I will look back on this and give a good laugh at the end, I'm sure. :)
