At a recent birthday dinner, a friend of mine asked me, "What have you accomplished this year?"
I answered, "I don't know, it has been a rough year."
It has been a challenging year for the family. With my mom's declining health, my dad and I had to take care of her until her death in August. While my parents were in Hong Kong for two months earlier this year, I had to jungle full-time work, and taking a class at night, with Chinese language class once a week. (That, I don't think I want to do again... unless I have someone to cook me food!)
While this year was shadowed by my mom's health and bad economy, I did think of a few things that I did accomplish:
1. I can carry somewhat of a simple conversation in Mandarin-Chinese.
2. I have learned to cook a few Chinese dishes that my mom used to cook. But I'm not as good as her.
3. Work-wise, I'm done with documentation for UV standard products.
4. I finally understand what bioassay is and what the regulations are in the U.S.
5. Even though this was a challenging year, I believe God has made me a stronger person. I haven't really felt close to God or connected to fellowship in a while, but God is still there for me. I think my view of humanity has changed. I think being part of some conservative churches in the past effected my view on people such that people should be "projects". But being part of a Methodist church for a while, that has taught me how to accept people as they are and lean on the hope that people will come to know Christ. It also tested my view that we are not all enemies but we are all people. It's a different mentality... It truly test your belief not to judge others as sinners but potential brothers and sisters in Christ. People are people, with basic emotions and needs. We smile, we laugh, we cry. We love, we hate. We eat and sleep. But yet, God gave us different personalities and behaviors that makes us who we are.
Being with my family and around Asians, we (or they) think differently than Westerners. I think this part I'm still analyzing because I view things on both side of the fence, being raised here in the U.S. but also being Asian.
I think even the past 4 months have been tough in that I had to re-adjust to a new schedule. It's weird to say but there is a lot of freedom now that my mom is no longer with us. I mean, I miss my mom, don't get me wrong. Now, I struggle with finding things to do...
With that said, I was thinking of things I want to accomplish for 2009:
1. I think I finally found a church I like. I have visited many churches in the past 3 years, and all of them have been great churches. But it's been kind of difficult to find a niche, to find the right chemistry, so to speak, and usually it takes time to build relationships. So, I think that this year, I want to become involved with a church I've been visiting for a few months. I went to their "membership" class which they called "partnership classes" to learn more about their beliefs and doctrine. It's in line with what I believe, so I'm going to stick around. The church is also building up their single's ministry, hopefully in bringing in more younger singles (more my age).
2. I want to be involved with a non-profit organization. There are tons in Charlotte. Some are belief-based and some are not. I've been thinking long and hard about this because for the longest time, I actually wanted to take a class again to go towards a Master's. But I had this "light bulb" moment today that even though I may get a MBA or whatever Master's I choose, it's not going to be as rewarding as being part of an organization that I can contribute to humanity. I think volunteering my time in helping others is more rewarding than going back to school to gain a Master's.
One organization I was looking into is Water for People. Water for People is a non-profit organization made up of professionals in the U.S. I realize that there are a lot of mission type groups, but most focus on construction in a foreign country. Water for People is not affiliated with a religious group but I think it may have a place for me since I am interested in improving the basic needs of water treatment to a developing nation (if that nation needs or wants it). But there are limits. There are groups of people that may not think they need it, which is quite alright too. The last thing I want to do is force my view of a modern world upon a group of people who think they don't need it.
3. Exercise more. I know, it sounds pretty cliche. Before my mom's death, I was really on a role though. I ate 5 times a day (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner), I lifted weights, I did cardio 30-40 minutes a day (excluding warm-up and cool-down). I actually lost some weight and toned my muscles. But with the schedule change, I think I have gain some back. :-(
4. Run a 5K. But I need a buddy/trainer/motivation. I would like to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in October, so that should be my goal. I have about 9 months, right? :) Or maybe I should find something closer in the calendar...
5. Finally... I have been going through spiritual funk for a long time. I think partly that I have been church hopping and not feel connected to any fellowship. I hope and pray that this year, I can re-start being more with God through quiet time and connecting to a fellowship. Like I said in #1, I want to be more involved again with church and I hope that would help with me be spiritually challenged in my life.
There's probably more I can think of but so far, this is it. :)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Jesus tough love
Today is Labor Day and it has been two weeks since my mom's death.
I'm still really sad that my mom past away. This past week has been eerily strange to come home in the evenings and no one is at home. My dad works nights now. Even when my mom was in bed most of the time, I came to her side and talk about my day.
I'm not sure if you have witness someone dying before. I saw three love ones die in my life and each time I experience something different. When my grandmother (dad's mom) past away in 1995, I wasn't a Christian then. I had sort of a Buddhist view on the afterlife, of reincarnation, imagining that she is in another body. I guess her death hasn't greatly affected me because I wasn't extremely close to her. She was also pretty old and she had poor health and a frail body. So, I knew it was probably time for her to go.
When my uncle died of lung cancer 3 years ago, I can't help to think that he is in hell. I knew some people have reached out to him. But my aunt has a strong personality in that it's her way or no way. Her way is that no one should interfer with her and her loves ones about Christianity.
Mom and her death was different. These past 3 years, I had hoped and prayed for her. I knew many people have come by to talk to her... and to talk to her about Jesus and God. Each time, in her own way, she will say, "I'll think about it." Even when she was in Hong Kong, one of her cousins, who is a layperson at a church, came to talk to her and pray for her.
Her death has given me mixed emotions about my faith. I don't doubt Jesus that this should happen but I guess I doubt my abilities as a Christian. I haven't talked to my mom that deeply about Christ. I haven't asked her if she has accepted Jesus. There is a sense of guilt and shame about not communicating the message to my mom. But all I could tell her the week prior to her death that I love her and she understood. I do feel fortunate that other Christians were around to share Jesus to my mom. Maybe someday, I'll know if she has accepted Christ.
God has reminded me of His tough love in Luke 9:57-62, about the people who say they'll follow Jesus. I'm not sure how this story links to my situation... But I feel first that God is there to let me know that everything is alright. Although, I haven't done much in regards to fellowship for the past 3 years, I felt this message is telling me move on, to continue to pray and search for a fellowship and proclaim his truth. Although, I felt like a failure in sharing with my family, there is also some comfort from God that He knew I've done my best.
It's hard to move on after a death of a love one. But I know my mom would want me to move on... I know God would want me to move on too.
I watched my mom's final hours. It's hard to see her suffer and I haven't gotten over the image out of my mind. At the same time, I have been thinking about my younger days with my mom and my family. Like, I remember a time when I was probably 3 or 4, where I had touched broken glass while playing outside. My whole hand was bleeding and my mom freaked out. She took me inside, wash my hands and sucked my bleeding fingers to get the germs out. Then she put like tons of bandaids on my fingers. I don't know why I remembered that so well.
Maybe it was a message that God will heal my bloody hands (and brokenheart), just has He did to Jesus.
***Sunday Sermon***
Sunday, I went to church for the first time in 3 weeks. I've been visiting a church called Steele Creek Church of Charlotte. It's a contemporary church where their focus is on relationships with God through Jesus and with people in home fellowships. The Sunday service is usually 1.5 hours long. For the format of Sunday there's normally a call to worship, then announcements, and then a time of prayer and offering, then the sermon, then the closing songs and benediction.
Sunday was a different type of service though. There wasn't a message today but a time of mostly prayer and ministering to others. The theme and message was that the house of the Lord is a house of prayer and that God heals the brokenhearted. There were several times where specific groups will go to the front of the church: missionaries, widows, single moms, and the people for the traditional alter call.
I have been feeling brokenhearted for the past few weeks. I can't explain this mixture of emotions and my logical mind wants to sort it all out. It's sometimes a surge of emotions that I can't control, sometimes a sense of emptiness, and sometimes a sense of anxiousness. But many times through my mind, God tells me that everything is under His control and that everything is alright.
Matthew 11: 28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I'm still really sad that my mom past away. This past week has been eerily strange to come home in the evenings and no one is at home. My dad works nights now. Even when my mom was in bed most of the time, I came to her side and talk about my day.
I'm not sure if you have witness someone dying before. I saw three love ones die in my life and each time I experience something different. When my grandmother (dad's mom) past away in 1995, I wasn't a Christian then. I had sort of a Buddhist view on the afterlife, of reincarnation, imagining that she is in another body. I guess her death hasn't greatly affected me because I wasn't extremely close to her. She was also pretty old and she had poor health and a frail body. So, I knew it was probably time for her to go.
When my uncle died of lung cancer 3 years ago, I can't help to think that he is in hell. I knew some people have reached out to him. But my aunt has a strong personality in that it's her way or no way. Her way is that no one should interfer with her and her loves ones about Christianity.
Mom and her death was different. These past 3 years, I had hoped and prayed for her. I knew many people have come by to talk to her... and to talk to her about Jesus and God. Each time, in her own way, she will say, "I'll think about it." Even when she was in Hong Kong, one of her cousins, who is a layperson at a church, came to talk to her and pray for her.
Her death has given me mixed emotions about my faith. I don't doubt Jesus that this should happen but I guess I doubt my abilities as a Christian. I haven't talked to my mom that deeply about Christ. I haven't asked her if she has accepted Jesus. There is a sense of guilt and shame about not communicating the message to my mom. But all I could tell her the week prior to her death that I love her and she understood. I do feel fortunate that other Christians were around to share Jesus to my mom. Maybe someday, I'll know if she has accepted Christ.
God has reminded me of His tough love in Luke 9:57-62, about the people who say they'll follow Jesus. I'm not sure how this story links to my situation... But I feel first that God is there to let me know that everything is alright. Although, I haven't done much in regards to fellowship for the past 3 years, I felt this message is telling me move on, to continue to pray and search for a fellowship and proclaim his truth. Although, I felt like a failure in sharing with my family, there is also some comfort from God that He knew I've done my best.
It's hard to move on after a death of a love one. But I know my mom would want me to move on... I know God would want me to move on too.
I watched my mom's final hours. It's hard to see her suffer and I haven't gotten over the image out of my mind. At the same time, I have been thinking about my younger days with my mom and my family. Like, I remember a time when I was probably 3 or 4, where I had touched broken glass while playing outside. My whole hand was bleeding and my mom freaked out. She took me inside, wash my hands and sucked my bleeding fingers to get the germs out. Then she put like tons of bandaids on my fingers. I don't know why I remembered that so well.
Maybe it was a message that God will heal my bloody hands (and brokenheart), just has He did to Jesus.
***Sunday Sermon***
Sunday, I went to church for the first time in 3 weeks. I've been visiting a church called Steele Creek Church of Charlotte. It's a contemporary church where their focus is on relationships with God through Jesus and with people in home fellowships. The Sunday service is usually 1.5 hours long. For the format of Sunday there's normally a call to worship, then announcements, and then a time of prayer and offering, then the sermon, then the closing songs and benediction.
Sunday was a different type of service though. There wasn't a message today but a time of mostly prayer and ministering to others. The theme and message was that the house of the Lord is a house of prayer and that God heals the brokenhearted. There were several times where specific groups will go to the front of the church: missionaries, widows, single moms, and the people for the traditional alter call.
I have been feeling brokenhearted for the past few weeks. I can't explain this mixture of emotions and my logical mind wants to sort it all out. It's sometimes a surge of emotions that I can't control, sometimes a sense of emptiness, and sometimes a sense of anxiousness. But many times through my mind, God tells me that everything is under His control and that everything is alright.
Matthew 11: 28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
One Tuesday afternoon
Today has been a sleepy Tuesday.
Not much is going on at work.
As I listen to my English co-worker talk about English sausage to my Southern co-worker, who proclaims in dislikes of any sausage (rather strange coming from a Southern co-worker), I wonder what I will do after work.
Then all of a sudden...
I get an email of panic.
Not really.
But it's nice to add some drama to this one Tuesday afternoon.
Not much is going on at work.
As I listen to my English co-worker talk about English sausage to my Southern co-worker, who proclaims in dislikes of any sausage (rather strange coming from a Southern co-worker), I wonder what I will do after work.
Then all of a sudden...
I get an email of panic.
Not really.
But it's nice to add some drama to this one Tuesday afternoon.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Religion... in general
I've taken sort of a one month sabbatical from going to church. I wouldn't say that I fell off the face of Christianity or became unreligious in anyway. I would say that this was a much needed break.I originally started this in Facebook around June 17th and I vaguely remember why I want to write this. It was about religion in general, mainly what I have learned (or have not learned) in this one month break.
I sort of have this view how humans made their appearance around the world after Babel. I believe God created the world, all the natural resources, and life (animals and people). I believe He did it in 6 days (where he rest on the 7th). Then, as you may read through the first book of the Bible, Genesis, God scattered the people of the world after the Tower of Babel was built because the people tried to get as close to God as they can...
So, these people are scattered about earth. And they carried with them a little bit of the DNA of the belief of one God. As time pass, I believe people lost sight of the one God and created other things to believe in... or nothing at all. But I believe that these people to this day carry this little piece of DNA and that someday, possibly, they will hear the Truth again.
Sounds kind of bizarre, right? I mean, this is all me thinking outloud, so this by no means is taken from any other text or religious work. Do people really carry this little piece of "God" within, hoping that it will bud into the belief that there is the Almighty One?
A quote from Romans 2:
"14 Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. 15 They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. 16 And this is the message I proclaim—that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life."
Briefly, Paul is teaching the Romans that they themselves are subject to the judgement of God when they mistreat others because they (Romans) think they (other Gentiles) are doing wrong. And how would anybody else around such Gentiles know that these Gentiles are obeying God when even the authorities may not know God's law?
I have a point here but I want to read a few more religious pieces of work before I say anything.
Speaking of reading, I have checked out a Catholic Bible and started to read The Book of Tobit. Fascinating, in an objective way. I'm determining whether it flows through the rest of the Bible and make an opinion about its placement in the Catholic Bible. Tobit is quite a good book, and I've only read 4 chapters so far.
Reading the "missing books" in the Catholic Bible is only one part of my religious studies. My next book will be the Book of Mormons, maybe follow by reading a few bits of the Qu'ran... I'm not sure what other religious books are out there.
I guess I'm trying to achieve a few things.
1. I want to broaden my spiritual view. Don't worry, I won't fall away from God. But this is actually an example I'm taking from work. Lately, I have been doing market research, why did we win, and why did we lose. Well, in doing this research, I need to find out our competitor's information before I make a case about it. I believe some people in the Christian world are equip to do so, learn about other religions to build a case for Christ. I mean, why would a standardize protocol for bioassay applying to discharge WW be better than our competitor's so-called "fecal" bioassay, where God knows what they really did? Why is being a Christian better than being a Muslim? Simply saying, "The Bible told me so..." for a while, hasn't even cut it for me! It's a good start, to read the Bible, but I want more education on the other religions before proclaiming something I'm believing, you know? It's not wrong to read other religions as long as you know what you personally believe (and maybe you don't really believe and you are just curious) and that you read into other religious books objectively.
2. What the heck is the Book of Mormon (which was "the point" I want to make later but I'll say something about it now). Well, from the little I know, it is the account of the people from the Old World coming to the New World and after a while, Jesus came to visit them before the ascension. That, to me, simply doesn't address the rest of the world, like Asia or Africa. Would Jesus do the same thing and visit them as well? Or wouldn't God send prophets to take care of these people before the visitation of Jesus. I dunno. I have heard that Lao Tze was actually a so-called prophet and have told the Chinese of a Savior, but I would have to look into that too. I would need to read the Book of Mormon to get a better opinion.
3. I'm bored. :) No, really, I don't have much going on when I go home. I mean, I have to cook and clean around, but there's some free time for me to either surf the internet or read a book.
4. I think with all these religions, it all has to point and tie into God. The people of this earth have came from people of Babel and there has to be some evidence that we all carry a little part of God's love and law in our mind and hearts. And through our activities, rules, laws, books, school, there's got to be some evidence that God plays a role in all of these, even if the "Gentiles" do not realize it.
Well, I'm off my soapbox. Peace!
I sort of have this view how humans made their appearance around the world after Babel. I believe God created the world, all the natural resources, and life (animals and people). I believe He did it in 6 days (where he rest on the 7th). Then, as you may read through the first book of the Bible, Genesis, God scattered the people of the world after the Tower of Babel was built because the people tried to get as close to God as they can...
So, these people are scattered about earth. And they carried with them a little bit of the DNA of the belief of one God. As time pass, I believe people lost sight of the one God and created other things to believe in... or nothing at all. But I believe that these people to this day carry this little piece of DNA and that someday, possibly, they will hear the Truth again.
Sounds kind of bizarre, right? I mean, this is all me thinking outloud, so this by no means is taken from any other text or religious work. Do people really carry this little piece of "God" within, hoping that it will bud into the belief that there is the Almighty One?
A quote from Romans 2:
"14 Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. 15 They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. 16 And this is the message I proclaim—that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life."
Briefly, Paul is teaching the Romans that they themselves are subject to the judgement of God when they mistreat others because they (Romans) think they (other Gentiles) are doing wrong. And how would anybody else around such Gentiles know that these Gentiles are obeying God when even the authorities may not know God's law?
I have a point here but I want to read a few more religious pieces of work before I say anything.
Speaking of reading, I have checked out a Catholic Bible and started to read The Book of Tobit. Fascinating, in an objective way. I'm determining whether it flows through the rest of the Bible and make an opinion about its placement in the Catholic Bible. Tobit is quite a good book, and I've only read 4 chapters so far.
Reading the "missing books" in the Catholic Bible is only one part of my religious studies. My next book will be the Book of Mormons, maybe follow by reading a few bits of the Qu'ran... I'm not sure what other religious books are out there.
I guess I'm trying to achieve a few things.
1. I want to broaden my spiritual view. Don't worry, I won't fall away from God. But this is actually an example I'm taking from work. Lately, I have been doing market research, why did we win, and why did we lose. Well, in doing this research, I need to find out our competitor's information before I make a case about it. I believe some people in the Christian world are equip to do so, learn about other religions to build a case for Christ. I mean, why would a standardize protocol for bioassay applying to discharge WW be better than our competitor's so-called "fecal" bioassay, where God knows what they really did? Why is being a Christian better than being a Muslim? Simply saying, "The Bible told me so..." for a while, hasn't even cut it for me! It's a good start, to read the Bible, but I want more education on the other religions before proclaiming something I'm believing, you know? It's not wrong to read other religions as long as you know what you personally believe (and maybe you don't really believe and you are just curious) and that you read into other religious books objectively.
2. What the heck is the Book of Mormon (which was "the point" I want to make later but I'll say something about it now). Well, from the little I know, it is the account of the people from the Old World coming to the New World and after a while, Jesus came to visit them before the ascension. That, to me, simply doesn't address the rest of the world, like Asia or Africa. Would Jesus do the same thing and visit them as well? Or wouldn't God send prophets to take care of these people before the visitation of Jesus. I dunno. I have heard that Lao Tze was actually a so-called prophet and have told the Chinese of a Savior, but I would have to look into that too. I would need to read the Book of Mormon to get a better opinion.
3. I'm bored. :) No, really, I don't have much going on when I go home. I mean, I have to cook and clean around, but there's some free time for me to either surf the internet or read a book.
4. I think with all these religions, it all has to point and tie into God. The people of this earth have came from people of Babel and there has to be some evidence that we all carry a little part of God's love and law in our mind and hearts. And through our activities, rules, laws, books, school, there's got to be some evidence that God plays a role in all of these, even if the "Gentiles" do not realize it.
Well, I'm off my soapbox. Peace!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Musical Inspirations
I was reading back on my blog from yesterday and realize how that article didn't flow. But I hope you can catch my drift. :)
Lately, I have been in a musical mode. I need a piano. I had to give up my very first piano when moving to Huntersville (then to Charlotte). It's my very first instrument, my very first musical love. I wouldn't say that without it, I'm nothing. But it is a source of creativeness for me. You know, sometimes when I'm in this mode, I randomly start singing. I guess some people can relate. And there's my guitar. I don't always like to play it because my fingers get calloused. But it sometimes motivates me to try bar chords and to do rifts and strumming patterns.
I rented "High School Musical" and watched it for the very first time. It... was cute. I wouldn't say it's my favorite but I could see how teens and tweens can really like this movie. But they got some good numbers and moves and for a Disney (somewhat) original, it's pretty darn good. Some folks compare it to another modern-day Romeo and Juliet. I would say it's closed to Grease but even Grease is compared to Romeo and Juliet. Or West Side Story. (What is that Santana song with that one R&B guy? Maria Maria! with Wyclef Jean, whoever he is...) :) By theway, does anybody know what musical they were trying out for?
I realize how much I missed musicals and being in one. My high school did a whole bunch, about two a year. One for the big school play and usually a Sr. play. I kept all the programs. I think I was only in two of them: The Music Man (I played flute in "The Pit") and I was an Oompa Loompa in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I wish I was more energenic because I realize how much I need to express myself and dance and sing. Maybe those days are gone...
I used to sing alto in a church choir for a little while. It actually gets a little old singing the same stuff over and over. Don't get me wrong, I do like Amazing Grace and Come Thou Fount, and some arrangements of other Christian songs. But I guess I'm used to high school choir where we sang like super hard stuff. (I was in a Women's Chorale for a semester. The chorus director said I sang louder than those who have been in chorus for a long time. Good old marching band. Taught me how to suck it up and use my wind!) I mean, the high school chorus wasn't the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but we sang some hard stuff.
I was telling my dad that he and mom should have enrolled me into voice and singing lessons. This is something you may not know... In the first grade, I used to sing in the bathroom. My teacher had to call me down a few times. During parent/teacher conference, my teacher told my parents that I was a happy child. I'm still a happy child, for the most part. And I was always singing in the house. Or singing a tune I learned from piano lessons. Ahhh, those were the good old days. :)
Well, enough about my musical rantings. I won't be famous but at least I have an outlet for creativity.
Lately, I have been in a musical mode. I need a piano. I had to give up my very first piano when moving to Huntersville (then to Charlotte). It's my very first instrument, my very first musical love. I wouldn't say that without it, I'm nothing. But it is a source of creativeness for me. You know, sometimes when I'm in this mode, I randomly start singing. I guess some people can relate. And there's my guitar. I don't always like to play it because my fingers get calloused. But it sometimes motivates me to try bar chords and to do rifts and strumming patterns.
I rented "High School Musical" and watched it for the very first time. It... was cute. I wouldn't say it's my favorite but I could see how teens and tweens can really like this movie. But they got some good numbers and moves and for a Disney (somewhat) original, it's pretty darn good. Some folks compare it to another modern-day Romeo and Juliet. I would say it's closed to Grease but even Grease is compared to Romeo and Juliet. Or West Side Story. (What is that Santana song with that one R&B guy? Maria Maria! with Wyclef Jean, whoever he is...) :) By theway, does anybody know what musical they were trying out for?
I realize how much I missed musicals and being in one. My high school did a whole bunch, about two a year. One for the big school play and usually a Sr. play. I kept all the programs. I think I was only in two of them: The Music Man (I played flute in "The Pit") and I was an Oompa Loompa in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I wish I was more energenic because I realize how much I need to express myself and dance and sing. Maybe those days are gone...
I used to sing alto in a church choir for a little while. It actually gets a little old singing the same stuff over and over. Don't get me wrong, I do like Amazing Grace and Come Thou Fount, and some arrangements of other Christian songs. But I guess I'm used to high school choir where we sang like super hard stuff. (I was in a Women's Chorale for a semester. The chorus director said I sang louder than those who have been in chorus for a long time. Good old marching band. Taught me how to suck it up and use my wind!) I mean, the high school chorus wasn't the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but we sang some hard stuff.
I was telling my dad that he and mom should have enrolled me into voice and singing lessons. This is something you may not know... In the first grade, I used to sing in the bathroom. My teacher had to call me down a few times. During parent/teacher conference, my teacher told my parents that I was a happy child. I'm still a happy child, for the most part. And I was always singing in the house. Or singing a tune I learned from piano lessons. Ahhh, those were the good old days. :)
Well, enough about my musical rantings. I won't be famous but at least I have an outlet for creativity.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Spiritual thoughts... (or lack there of...)
Spiritually, I wouldn't say it's good or bad. I must confess, I haven't been to church in over a month. I've been really tired on the weekends, and normally sleep over on both Saturdays and Sundays. I wouldn't say that I'm running away from God either; I mean, I haven't been mad at Him, or felt that things in my life were unfair.
This past month has been a time of inner soul searching. I'm not sure if it's an experience I had in Hong Kong. My mom's family are mostly Christians and to experience Christ in another culture has been very encouraging to me. I also wonder if God is calling me to a place that is totally different from Charlotte or NC. This area (The Bible Belt) is mostly made up of people who have gone to Protestants churches or people who are surrounded by Protestants. (I do realize, a lot of people of my generation have never been to church, but still, they are surrounded by us.) Hong Kong is very secular but I found Christians, without really trying. Or maybe God has set it up that way.
I wonder what could be my next move. I realize I can't stay in one location forever. Then again, it's better to stay somewhere for a good 5 years to build relationships in the area and build experience at work. So, it could be a while before I really decide on moving to a new place and have a new job. I should check out a few cities in the meantime, during a vacation.
In my spiritual journey, I usually have curiosities of other religions. I go through these phases where I want to learn about other religions and at the end, I will be enlightened. I think it goes back to my childhood where my parents weren't really religious, so I wasn't grounded on any religion. But I was always curious about why people go to church or temple and about Muslims or the Indians who seem to worship all kinds of things. Even now, even though I'm a Christian, I still tend to go off the beaten path to explore other things.
For example, and you might think I'm so juvenile, this is the very first season, ever, that I really paid attention to American Idol. (Yeah, I mean, I'm sort of behind the times. At least I know that first season, Kelly Clarkson won, 2nd season, Clay Aiken was second... I'm not sure what follows, and last year was Jordin Sparks.) As you may know, David Cook won the thing, while David Archuleta was second place. So, David Cook, I thought he was nice looking but after a while, he didn't really appeal to me all that much.
Then, I look at little David Archuleta. And doing some research on him, I come to find out he's LDS (Latter-day Saint; this link goes to a PDF excerpt of the 1st chapter of "Mormons for Dummies" on the Dummies website. It explains the main basics of the LDS. So how credible is it, I'm not sure but if "Dummies" wrote it, the people there should have done a pretty good job at the research in order for the stuff to be in the book). And then, doing some more research on "Mormons", I come to find this sect of Christianity is pretty interesting. (Well, I guess there is an argument whether they are true Christians, but that could be another topic and discussion later.) To be honest, some of it is good for deep thoughts, some of it is pretty goofy and some of it I flat-out don't agree with, but I do want to give kudos to their ethics, them helping the needy and poor (not just give them stuff, but to actually teach them life skills and to pick their feet off the ground), and their amazing abstinence from coffee, tea, alcohol, and recreational drugs (later, some added colas but it's not written in stone, as I've been told).
So, at the end of this little study on the Latter-day Saints, it just brings more questions than any answers I'm looking for. Well, for starters, if there is this book called The Book of Mormons written about the Native Americans, then it wouldn't be quite fair to not have a book on the Chinese after Babel or Africans that somehow relates back to God's plan of Salvation. I think the story about the Tower of Babel takes care of the other cultures around the world. So, why have such a book called The Book of Mormons? I dunno.
I'm also not quite sold on their pre-mortal views, where the LDS believe that people's spirit have existed before the beginning of earth and that at a given time, their spirit enters a physical body at birth. After birth, humans can't remember what their spirit's did before, so God puts them through trials to bring them back to God. It's an interesting thing to think about. It kind of goes back to another philosophy of question and that is if God has existed before the beginning of time. (I think I wrote a paper on that in my Philosophy of Science class. I need to dig it up.) The idea of humans having a pre-mortal spirit kind of suggest about reincarnation, which is something most Protestant Christians don't agree with. Well, not exactly, since I think LDS didn't say that these spirits were in another being before they entered humans.
There's more... three heavens? Us being Heavenly Parents like God? The LDS have a view on the Trinity too, that I think they regard God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit somewhat different, in that they are 3 distinct and separate beings with the same purpose, unlike Protestants who believe they are all one and the same, but have 3 different roles and all have the same purpose (like the ice, water, and steam analysis. Sames structure, different states). I don't know, there is a lot of stuff about LDS that differs greatly from the mainstream Protestant churches.
I think some of this stuff is pretty good to think about. Some of it, as I've said, I don't agree with. However, I do know quite a few LDS. They are some of the nicest people on earth. Seriously. I don't see anything strange or weird about them at all. They act like humans just like the rest of us.
I guess that leads to my other one-thing-that-leads-to-another thought... I never really liked cold weather. I always enjoyed the weather down south except for August. But I guess my next curiosity is, "What is Utah like?" About 40% of the people there are Mormons (or is it "others"). It's one thing to see LDS here in the Carolinas but to be out in Utah must be really different because a religion can influence the culture. Like, do they serve coffee at restaurants? Where in the South, at the drink fountain, there's sometimes 2 spouts for Coke, are their two spouts for Sprite?
I guess in one sense, I'm tired of the South and want to go West. Utah is probably the most interesting place I could think of right now because it's not in the Bible Belt and it's not quite the Wild West (where most of California, Oregon and Washington state do not really seem all the religious) and the LDS are a Christian group but not quite like the Protestant churches, and not Catholic. I heard Colorado is nice too but it might be too much snow for me. :)
But first... I have to stay here a few more years... then possibly investigate my options out there in the mean time.
This past month has been a time of inner soul searching. I'm not sure if it's an experience I had in Hong Kong. My mom's family are mostly Christians and to experience Christ in another culture has been very encouraging to me. I also wonder if God is calling me to a place that is totally different from Charlotte or NC. This area (The Bible Belt) is mostly made up of people who have gone to Protestants churches or people who are surrounded by Protestants. (I do realize, a lot of people of my generation have never been to church, but still, they are surrounded by us.) Hong Kong is very secular but I found Christians, without really trying. Or maybe God has set it up that way.
I wonder what could be my next move. I realize I can't stay in one location forever. Then again, it's better to stay somewhere for a good 5 years to build relationships in the area and build experience at work. So, it could be a while before I really decide on moving to a new place and have a new job. I should check out a few cities in the meantime, during a vacation.
In my spiritual journey, I usually have curiosities of other religions. I go through these phases where I want to learn about other religions and at the end, I will be enlightened. I think it goes back to my childhood where my parents weren't really religious, so I wasn't grounded on any religion. But I was always curious about why people go to church or temple and about Muslims or the Indians who seem to worship all kinds of things. Even now, even though I'm a Christian, I still tend to go off the beaten path to explore other things.
For example, and you might think I'm so juvenile, this is the very first season, ever, that I really paid attention to American Idol. (Yeah, I mean, I'm sort of behind the times. At least I know that first season, Kelly Clarkson won, 2nd season, Clay Aiken was second... I'm not sure what follows, and last year was Jordin Sparks.) As you may know, David Cook won the thing, while David Archuleta was second place. So, David Cook, I thought he was nice looking but after a while, he didn't really appeal to me all that much.
Then, I look at little David Archuleta. And doing some research on him, I come to find out he's LDS (Latter-day Saint; this link goes to a PDF excerpt of the 1st chapter of "Mormons for Dummies" on the Dummies website. It explains the main basics of the LDS. So how credible is it, I'm not sure but if "Dummies" wrote it, the people there should have done a pretty good job at the research in order for the stuff to be in the book). And then, doing some more research on "Mormons", I come to find this sect of Christianity is pretty interesting. (Well, I guess there is an argument whether they are true Christians, but that could be another topic and discussion later.) To be honest, some of it is good for deep thoughts, some of it is pretty goofy and some of it I flat-out don't agree with, but I do want to give kudos to their ethics, them helping the needy and poor (not just give them stuff, but to actually teach them life skills and to pick their feet off the ground), and their amazing abstinence from coffee, tea, alcohol, and recreational drugs (later, some added colas but it's not written in stone, as I've been told).
So, at the end of this little study on the Latter-day Saints, it just brings more questions than any answers I'm looking for. Well, for starters, if there is this book called The Book of Mormons written about the Native Americans, then it wouldn't be quite fair to not have a book on the Chinese after Babel or Africans that somehow relates back to God's plan of Salvation. I think the story about the Tower of Babel takes care of the other cultures around the world. So, why have such a book called The Book of Mormons? I dunno.
I'm also not quite sold on their pre-mortal views, where the LDS believe that people's spirit have existed before the beginning of earth and that at a given time, their spirit enters a physical body at birth. After birth, humans can't remember what their spirit's did before, so God puts them through trials to bring them back to God. It's an interesting thing to think about. It kind of goes back to another philosophy of question and that is if God has existed before the beginning of time. (I think I wrote a paper on that in my Philosophy of Science class. I need to dig it up.) The idea of humans having a pre-mortal spirit kind of suggest about reincarnation, which is something most Protestant Christians don't agree with. Well, not exactly, since I think LDS didn't say that these spirits were in another being before they entered humans.
There's more... three heavens? Us being Heavenly Parents like God? The LDS have a view on the Trinity too, that I think they regard God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit somewhat different, in that they are 3 distinct and separate beings with the same purpose, unlike Protestants who believe they are all one and the same, but have 3 different roles and all have the same purpose (like the ice, water, and steam analysis. Sames structure, different states). I don't know, there is a lot of stuff about LDS that differs greatly from the mainstream Protestant churches.
I think some of this stuff is pretty good to think about. Some of it, as I've said, I don't agree with. However, I do know quite a few LDS. They are some of the nicest people on earth. Seriously. I don't see anything strange or weird about them at all. They act like humans just like the rest of us.
I guess that leads to my other one-thing-that-leads-to-another thought... I never really liked cold weather. I always enjoyed the weather down south except for August. But I guess my next curiosity is, "What is Utah like?" About 40% of the people there are Mormons (or is it "others"). It's one thing to see LDS here in the Carolinas but to be out in Utah must be really different because a religion can influence the culture. Like, do they serve coffee at restaurants? Where in the South, at the drink fountain, there's sometimes 2 spouts for Coke, are their two spouts for Sprite?
I guess in one sense, I'm tired of the South and want to go West. Utah is probably the most interesting place I could think of right now because it's not in the Bible Belt and it's not quite the Wild West (where most of California, Oregon and Washington state do not really seem all the religious) and the LDS are a Christian group but not quite like the Protestant churches, and not Catholic. I heard Colorado is nice too but it might be too much snow for me. :)
But first... I have to stay here a few more years... then possibly investigate my options out there in the mean time.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Everything is permissible...
...but not everything is beneficial.
Fasting
I've been troubled lately and I wasn't sure why. So, I went on a spiritual fast for a few days, to cleanse myself (literally), and to cleanse my mind. What lead me to fast are a few things. I've been going through a Bible study with my small group reading and focusing on the book of Daniel. The first few chapters is more than learning that Daniel obstain from King Neb's choice foods. It was about sticking up for himself, to obey God, to demonstrate that He loved God, and will not bow down to any other gods or people.
To give a little history lesson on that portion of the Bible, King Neb of Babylon took captive of the people of Judah and settled them in the Kingdom of Babylon. Babylon was at its economic and cultural height. People had the clothes, the money, the power, and possible good looking horse drawn carriages. But these people of Babylon also worshipped other gods and engaged in activities that were not okay.
Not to sound to prophetic but the U.S. can also be seen almost like this. The U.S. has tremendous resources (as well as a big debt), and people are indulging themselves in this culture - the fashion, self-image, money, power, worshipping other things, and activities maybe not so good. No horse drawn carriages in this century though.
I don't consider myself really indulging too much into the latest fashion... But I can get self-conscious about how I look and what I eat and how much I exercise. I think lately, I've been going around in circles. Eating what I think is best, then over eating what is not good, then trying to exercise to off-set what I eat and don't eat.
What I learned is that... I really don't need a lot of food. And that I could live on low fat foods. I can also live off soy milk and congee and still be okay. I also learned to fast the correct way for my conditions. I have hypoglycemia (severe cases could lead to diabetes), so I had to stay away from fruit juices and sodas with sugar. In the past, I would try to fast but would almost have a nervous breakdown by lunch time.
I think God is still working in me in other areas of my life...
Hong Kong
I'm going to Hong Kong May 7-16th to visit my mom and dad. :)
Fasting
I've been troubled lately and I wasn't sure why. So, I went on a spiritual fast for a few days, to cleanse myself (literally), and to cleanse my mind. What lead me to fast are a few things. I've been going through a Bible study with my small group reading and focusing on the book of Daniel. The first few chapters is more than learning that Daniel obstain from King Neb's choice foods. It was about sticking up for himself, to obey God, to demonstrate that He loved God, and will not bow down to any other gods or people.
To give a little history lesson on that portion of the Bible, King Neb of Babylon took captive of the people of Judah and settled them in the Kingdom of Babylon. Babylon was at its economic and cultural height. People had the clothes, the money, the power, and possible good looking horse drawn carriages. But these people of Babylon also worshipped other gods and engaged in activities that were not okay.
Not to sound to prophetic but the U.S. can also be seen almost like this. The U.S. has tremendous resources (as well as a big debt), and people are indulging themselves in this culture - the fashion, self-image, money, power, worshipping other things, and activities maybe not so good. No horse drawn carriages in this century though.
I don't consider myself really indulging too much into the latest fashion... But I can get self-conscious about how I look and what I eat and how much I exercise. I think lately, I've been going around in circles. Eating what I think is best, then over eating what is not good, then trying to exercise to off-set what I eat and don't eat.
What I learned is that... I really don't need a lot of food. And that I could live on low fat foods. I can also live off soy milk and congee and still be okay. I also learned to fast the correct way for my conditions. I have hypoglycemia (severe cases could lead to diabetes), so I had to stay away from fruit juices and sodas with sugar. In the past, I would try to fast but would almost have a nervous breakdown by lunch time.
I think God is still working in me in other areas of my life...
Hong Kong
I'm going to Hong Kong May 7-16th to visit my mom and dad. :)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
people watching at the airport
it's always neat to watch people at the airport. currently i'm at the orlando int'l airport waiting for my flight. i always wonder where these people are going, what are they doing in (place), what are they thinking. in this airport, there are a lot of people and kids. i bet they're going to disney world.
it's fun to watch the expressions on their faces and what they're doing. i don't really consider myself a big people person. i will talk to people but it's fun to observe. like, one time i was at the cincinnati airport waiting for my flight to charlotte and a friend and i watched this little baby try to pull himself up on the chairs, to stand up. he was so cute, and his face was so determined.
a little girl drops her mickey mouse doll...
people in pajamas...
people in suits...
people with carry-on (the plane) suitcase...
people with purses and duffle bags...
I assume some of these people have checked in their bigger bags...
people are interesting creatures.
it's fun to watch the expressions on their faces and what they're doing. i don't really consider myself a big people person. i will talk to people but it's fun to observe. like, one time i was at the cincinnati airport waiting for my flight to charlotte and a friend and i watched this little baby try to pull himself up on the chairs, to stand up. he was so cute, and his face was so determined.
a little girl drops her mickey mouse doll...
people in pajamas...
people in suits...
people with carry-on (the plane) suitcase...
people with purses and duffle bags...
I assume some of these people have checked in their bigger bags...
people are interesting creatures.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Age 28 - The Disciplines of Sacrifice
Now that my parents are in Hong Kong, I (a) can be a somewhat normal single and (b) have some time to reflect on life.
These last few months have been busy. I started going to school part time to see if I want to go into business. I already have a B.S. in Mechanical Engineering. As the name implies, this is how I got through with engineering school. Ha, just kidding. 5 years at NC State + 2 years just living in Raleigh was the most fun I had in my life, but also very challenging as a new Christian and a student, then working various jobs to make ends meet.
I've been going to Chinese language school for almost 3 years. I have learned a lot of reading and writing but my speaking of Mandarin is still lacking. I can understand most of what the teacher is saying now but I don't always (concentrate to) converse back. (And to those who don't know, I speak Cantonese which is another dialect of Chinese. Mandarin is the main dialect of China.)
Then, my mom got bad news in Feb. from her cancer doctor that there is nothing more they can do to treat her for cancer. In Feb., she has gotten progressingly more tired to the point where she can't really do anything around the house. Juggling accounting class, chinese class, 40 hours of work each week, doing homework, going to the gym as much as I can, and cooking some of the meals, left me feeling almost like a robot. I felt very relieved and thankful that my dad stopped work the last week and a half in Feb. to look after Mom (and cook dinner at night). :) That still leaves the house somewhat messy by the time they left but I sort of took care of that in the last few days I've been home.
After my parents left for Hong Kong, I was still somewhat busy, first, visiting my brother in Virginia, and then I staying at my cousin's for a week. My cousin is married with two boys, and my aunt lives with them, so they have a full house. Everyday, they eat around 7pm, so after work, it's a marathon to go to the gym and then get to their house by 7pm to eat. Eating time is fun... My cousin and her husband are constantly disciplining their boys on table manners. If they are good at dinner, they get a star sticker! Each! After dinner can be fun. A few nights we played Pictionary.
With all that said... I look back on these last 3 years with my parents and my life here in Charlotte and just think how much more I have learned as a person and as a Christian. (It's not often that I speak more openly about my spiritual experiences and life, so bear with me.) It's definitely a sacrifice to live with my parents (or for them to live with me). I never really understood sacrifice until these last few months... This verse may sum up a lot of what I've learned:
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." ~Romans 12:1-2 (NLT)~
God has definitely transformed me into a new person. Even though the main content of this verse was geared towards those with sexual sins (I think...), this verse can be applied to our daily lives as Christians. I want to say it wasn't easy but by God's enduring grace, to learn God's sacrifice has been a process for me. There were a lot of myself that I had to give up: personal freedom as a single, the way I think from "American" to "Chinese" to understand my parents, finances, my time... I mean, you can probably think of a lot of things.
It was definitely a discipline process. Looking at how my cousin and her husband discipline their kids, every night, it's the same thing... Put both arms on the table, no elbows on the table, sit on your bottom, ask if anybody wants more before serving yourself (we eat family style), etc. Eat one thing at a time, eat all your food before dessert. Being on their schedule, seeing how they function, made me think about the last 3 years, how God was constantly disciplining on sacrifice, as I mentioned before. I've learned to focus on the more important things in life: God, my parents and brother, my extended family, my job, education. Well, I go on Facebook to update my status, to see if anybody has Superpoked me or send me a message. Myspace, maybe once every few days. I do want to confess those things.
Now that my parents are way out of town, and out of the country, I'm back to being very single. I mean, I don't even know what to do with myself. I miss my parents dearly, though, and I can't wait for them to come home.
These last few months have been busy. I started going to school part time to see if I want to go into business. I already have a B.S. in Mechanical Engineering. As the name implies, this is how I got through with engineering school. Ha, just kidding. 5 years at NC State + 2 years just living in Raleigh was the most fun I had in my life, but also very challenging as a new Christian and a student, then working various jobs to make ends meet.
I've been going to Chinese language school for almost 3 years. I have learned a lot of reading and writing but my speaking of Mandarin is still lacking. I can understand most of what the teacher is saying now but I don't always (concentrate to) converse back. (And to those who don't know, I speak Cantonese which is another dialect of Chinese. Mandarin is the main dialect of China.)
Then, my mom got bad news in Feb. from her cancer doctor that there is nothing more they can do to treat her for cancer. In Feb., she has gotten progressingly more tired to the point where she can't really do anything around the house. Juggling accounting class, chinese class, 40 hours of work each week, doing homework, going to the gym as much as I can, and cooking some of the meals, left me feeling almost like a robot. I felt very relieved and thankful that my dad stopped work the last week and a half in Feb. to look after Mom (and cook dinner at night). :) That still leaves the house somewhat messy by the time they left but I sort of took care of that in the last few days I've been home.
After my parents left for Hong Kong, I was still somewhat busy, first, visiting my brother in Virginia, and then I staying at my cousin's for a week. My cousin is married with two boys, and my aunt lives with them, so they have a full house. Everyday, they eat around 7pm, so after work, it's a marathon to go to the gym and then get to their house by 7pm to eat. Eating time is fun... My cousin and her husband are constantly disciplining their boys on table manners. If they are good at dinner, they get a star sticker! Each! After dinner can be fun. A few nights we played Pictionary.
With all that said... I look back on these last 3 years with my parents and my life here in Charlotte and just think how much more I have learned as a person and as a Christian. (It's not often that I speak more openly about my spiritual experiences and life, so bear with me.) It's definitely a sacrifice to live with my parents (or for them to live with me). I never really understood sacrifice until these last few months... This verse may sum up a lot of what I've learned:
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." ~Romans 12:1-2 (NLT)~
God has definitely transformed me into a new person. Even though the main content of this verse was geared towards those with sexual sins (I think...), this verse can be applied to our daily lives as Christians. I want to say it wasn't easy but by God's enduring grace, to learn God's sacrifice has been a process for me. There were a lot of myself that I had to give up: personal freedom as a single, the way I think from "American" to "Chinese" to understand my parents, finances, my time... I mean, you can probably think of a lot of things.
It was definitely a discipline process. Looking at how my cousin and her husband discipline their kids, every night, it's the same thing... Put both arms on the table, no elbows on the table, sit on your bottom, ask if anybody wants more before serving yourself (we eat family style), etc. Eat one thing at a time, eat all your food before dessert. Being on their schedule, seeing how they function, made me think about the last 3 years, how God was constantly disciplining on sacrifice, as I mentioned before. I've learned to focus on the more important things in life: God, my parents and brother, my extended family, my job, education. Well, I go on Facebook to update my status, to see if anybody has Superpoked me or send me a message. Myspace, maybe once every few days. I do want to confess those things.
Now that my parents are way out of town, and out of the country, I'm back to being very single. I mean, I don't even know what to do with myself. I miss my parents dearly, though, and I can't wait for them to come home.
Friday, March 7, 2008
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