What My Dog Has Taught Me

On Saturday (July 25th, 2015), I joined a few friends to volunteer at the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department Animal Care and Control.  I wasn't prepared to bring home a dog.

At the CMPD Animal Shelter

I wasn't really ready.  I had been looking for a while but because of the stress and application process from rescues, I got frustrated.  So I quit for a while.
But I think she kind of picked me.
And now I have a dog.
What has she taught me in 3 days?

I love the grass!

Patience: Getting her on our schedule was a little bit challenging.  On her description, she "appeared" to be housetrained.  That doesn't really say much.  But in 3 days, I got her on our schedule.  Phew!  I totally celebrated when she finally understand her potty was outside.  But now, I am on a schedule.  5:30am is way too early when your dog start scratching your door.  Oh well, just like a little baby...

Love can be a process:  As I wasn't quite prepared to bring home a dog, I was both excited and anxious about it.  I never had a dog before but had been around dogs.  Big dogs, little dogs, loving dogs and not so loving dogs.  So, I think to some degree, I understand dogs.  I think for me, it was a spur of the moment to bring her home.  And you know, I didn't really "love" her at first.  I wasn't sure what she will be like.  I think that has always been my approach to any relationship: cautious.  I don't "fall in love" at first sight and I certainly don't become your best friend on day one.  But I think I had that hunch that she is loving and calm.  And you know, I have experienced worry, anxiousness, but ultimately, after 3 days, a warm feeling inside has started to grow for this little dog.

About that (unconditional) love: Most rescued dogs, I have observed, know one thing.  To unconditionally love a person who has adopted them.  I am not sure how they know; they just know.  And they will win your heart.  My little dog has not fussed much since she's been with me and always want me to pet her and snuggle with her.  She also likes to play outside and run in a dozen circles before slowing down.  Now, she has barked at my neighbor and barked at the birds but other than that, she is very sweet and chilled.

Snoozing... ZZZ...

I'm kind of selfish: This may seem silly.  But to me, it hit me hard.  I had spent approximately $250 on this dog already.  And when I thought about this, I thought, "It's only $250!  I must have spent way more money on ME!"

It's funny how God has taught me things through unplanned circumstances.  How much more does my Father loves me through the lesson of owning a dog.  God has adopted us much like I have adopted a dog.  But the difference is that we has people do not always appreciate God's unconditional love.  And a dog unconditionally loves when I am uncertain about my feelings towards her.  I care for my biological dad but caring for this dog has been a lesson crammed in 3 days.

Oh, by the way, if you're wondering about her name, it's either Camillia or Camilla.  Both are acceptable; she answers to both.  :)

Getting a Grasp of my Singleness

I will be honest: I have been in a rut for the few past years.

These last several years have been emotional for me.  I know why and will share if you ask.  On what I can share on this blog, I came to realize this when I started to feel depressed/anxious/stressed a month ago.  I told my friends, "I am usually not like this."  And usually, I'm not.  I have lived my life to know some kind of purpose and knowing what I want to do.  However, my heart felt like it will die of a sense of loneliness I haven't felt in a long time.   I have been building up my emotions about being single for way too long which is not healthy.  Really, I've been ignoring it and shoving it in a compartment in my brain for a very long time.

A part of this revelation comes from reading an article recently in Relevant Magazine.  It gave me a perspective I haven't thought of in a long while.  It's okay to feel this way.  It's not okay to not talk about it or write about it.  To quote from this article:

"Because, in reality, that’s what singleness is: a journey. It’s not that you’re a broken person. It’s not that something is wrong with you. It’s not that you messed up that last relationship and lost the love of your life.  It’s simply that, right now, you haven’t found someone to partner alongside you in life..."

Well, I've been hearing that for 12 years.  "You haven't found someone to partner alongside you in life..."  And often I ask God, "Why?"  My heart desires to find my "tall, dark and handsome with beautiful blue eyes."  Is that too much to ask for?

Within this article, it explains that we all strive for significance.  We all strive to feel important, to find meaning in life.  And because God made us to bond with others, we tend to seek good or bad attention from people to seek that importance.  Singles deal and cope with loneliness but even married people deal with this as well for a number of reasons.  Loneliness is not just for singles.

In my few years, I kind of sat around, waiting for something to happen.  I often wonder, "Will I ever meet someone?"  But sometimes, that time is wasted in my depression.  God just sort of slapped my face with this:

"We don’t have to wait until we’ve found our soul mate to start living a life of purpose."

I think it's not just as simple as that though.  I am not the type that would jump out of my seat and go, "Let's save the planet!"  For me, I tend to over-processed my emotions as I do sometimes in my real life job as an engineer.  Over-analyzing, over-thinking.  It's a process and a journey to get over the loneliness and coming into the grace of God with a fresh and new perspective on my purpose for the next few years.  

My next blog will hopefully be more humorous and light-hearted...

Things may die but God still lives

I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I would start with a short simple one.  I normally do like to blog a lot.  But I have felt in the past 6 months, "Gosh, I'm that weird single girl in her mid-30's with no life whatsoever."  So, I stopped for a while.  I actually started and stopped a few times on various topics but it just didn't feel right... 

But then, with no motivation in blogging, I had way too much time to think of other things and headed into a mini-almost-mid-life-crisis.  I've worked most of the time since I graduated from college, but I'm started to think more seriously if I need to head into something completely different.

Then a sense of anxiety and stress fell upon and I felt I must be dying of high blood pressure.  Speaking of dying, look at this pot for a second:

This whole pot of Jenny Creepers died a few weeks ago.  It was stinking hot here and we had no rain for a while.  It's supposed to look like this pot in the next picture (the other side of the steps to my front door).

While things may die or looks dead, God still lives and make things grow where we thought things have died.  The picture at the very top shows new growth.  The roots have not died.  God sometimes make things die in our lives in a way of pruning, as long as our roots are planted in God's Word, God's love, God's mercy, we will grow.

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. 

~John 15:2~

My response to Charleston : A different perspective

The type of person that I am, I tend to have to process events for a few days before responding.  I thought it might be appropriate to put down my thoughts about Charleston in a blog because there are many angles that one can talk about.

When I first heard about the deaths of the members of Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, my immediate thought was honestly, "What, another crazy lunatic?"  And sure enough, Dylann Roof was another crazy lunatic.  I did felt a great sense of hurt but I didn't feel any "shock" to it.  Why?

I come from a different perspective.  Sure, it was a horrible act of a person who is White to shoot nine innocent African-American church members.  But from an early part of my Christianity, I was exposed to Christians being persecuted in other parts of the world, in countries that do not welcome those who believe in Christ.  The persecution is real.  You might have heard about terrorist in the Middle East beheading Christians. I've heard of Christians in Far East Asia being executed for their faith.

So, I didn't have quite the shock factor that most Americans felt.  It's just another day for Christians to be persecuted whether in U.S. soil or overseas.

What I really felt was shame for our country.  "We are better than this.  We should know better.  How could you do this?  Did you not remember 911?"  Racism is still real in the U.S. no matter where you come from in America. It saddens me as a person for this nation that we always want to fight the good fight of terrorism but the real enemy is sometimes ourselves.  If we cannot help ourselves, how are we expected to help others overseas?

But through this shame and grieving, there is hope.  A hope only found in Jesus Christ.  I think when I heard about the initial trial and the responses from the families of the victims, I thought, "I am so at peace with my Lord that our brothers and sisters can respond in forgiveness."  Forgiveness should be a natural response if we are growing in faith in Christ.  I greatly praise God that we have the power to forgive others and continually love those who wrong us.

It doesn't matter how we all feel; it doesn't matter what political message we get from this.  The responses of Christians is to pray for those who have been hurt: the families and the universal church of Christ.  To love those who are our enemies.  To hope that we come to an understanding on how to help someone like Dylann Roof.

Fly

In times when I have a chance to quiet my mind from a busy week or weekend, I often think back on what has happened over that period of time.

I attended an awesome conference called, "IF: Gatherings", a ministry that inspires and equip women of today's generation.  It was actually a stream from Austin, TX, where my local church Mosaic Church Charlotte hosted a group of about 70 women to watch the stream.

Throughout the conference, the story of Joshua and Caleb was told, intermingled with stories from women who have had their struggles and victories that relates to the Joshua/Caleb story.  In the Book of Joshua in the Bible, the Hebrews finally made it to the borders of the promised land.  A leader of each tribe of Israel went out to scope the land.  When they came back, they described the land flowing with "milk and honey" but 10 of the 12 then said there were giants, that the Hebrews should stay.  This brought moaning and groaning amongst the people, but Joshua and Caleb said, "Nope, let's go charging in."

Once they came in, the first obstacle was getting through the walls of Jericho (Joshua 6).  God said to Joshua to tell his people to march around the walls once a day, for 6 days, while the priest are blowing trumpets.  On the 7 day, march around it 7 times, and then after the march on this day, Joshua commanded them to shout.  The walls of Jericho came tumbling down, as the song goes,

After taking over the Promised Land and defeating many of the "giants", Joshua chapter 24 talks of the renewing of the covenant with Israel.  Many times in the Bible, an altar is built simple of laying of big rocks or stones.  So, towards the end of the conference, each woman were given a stone and we were told to write whatever God has laid on our hearts.  "What is your next step of faith?"

So, the word that God gave me was "fly".  God is telling me to fly with faith.  There is a story behind it.  Over Christmas and New Year, my dad, brother, and I flew to Hong Kong to visit family.  We arrived on December 26th and then two days later, an airplane crashed between Indonesia and Singapore into the sea.  Flying back to the United States over a week later, I was scared.  We were flying over China, Russia, and close to the North Pole (icy waters) before flying over Canada and then to the United States.  17 hours in an airplane is a long time.  I've never been afraid of flying until that day we were flying back.  After landing in Newark, NJ, I felt a bit relieved but also very very sleepy.  I thank God that we got to the United States safe.

When I was sitting at IF: Gathering, God told me to write "fly" on my little rock.  It became clear what He was telling me.  God said, "If I have kept you safe on a long flight from Hong Kong to the U.S., I will keep you safe if only you fly with faith."  Sometimes faith has to be childlike.  I used to love going on trips and getting on the airplane.  I used to love flying.  I had no fear of the plane possibly crashing into land or sea below.  (Matthew 18:2-4)

I ask God, "Where am I flying to?"  No answer yet.  Just fly... Praying that God will show me where to fly next.