Getting a Grasp of my Singleness

I will be honest: I have been in a rut for the few past years.

These last several years have been emotional for me.  I know why and will share if you ask.  On what I can share on this blog, I came to realize this when I started to feel depressed/anxious/stressed a month ago.  I told my friends, "I am usually not like this."  And usually, I'm not.  I have lived my life to know some kind of purpose and knowing what I want to do.  However, my heart felt like it will die of a sense of loneliness I haven't felt in a long time.   I have been building up my emotions about being single for way too long which is not healthy.  Really, I've been ignoring it and shoving it in a compartment in my brain for a very long time.

A part of this revelation comes from reading an article recently in Relevant Magazine.  It gave me a perspective I haven't thought of in a long while.  It's okay to feel this way.  It's not okay to not talk about it or write about it.  To quote from this article:

"Because, in reality, that’s what singleness is: a journey. It’s not that you’re a broken person. It’s not that something is wrong with you. It’s not that you messed up that last relationship and lost the love of your life.  It’s simply that, right now, you haven’t found someone to partner alongside you in life..."

Well, I've been hearing that for 12 years.  "You haven't found someone to partner alongside you in life..."  And often I ask God, "Why?"  My heart desires to find my "tall, dark and handsome with beautiful blue eyes."  Is that too much to ask for?

Within this article, it explains that we all strive for significance.  We all strive to feel important, to find meaning in life.  And because God made us to bond with others, we tend to seek good or bad attention from people to seek that importance.  Singles deal and cope with loneliness but even married people deal with this as well for a number of reasons.  Loneliness is not just for singles.

In my few years, I kind of sat around, waiting for something to happen.  I often wonder, "Will I ever meet someone?"  But sometimes, that time is wasted in my depression.  God just sort of slapped my face with this:

"We don’t have to wait until we’ve found our soul mate to start living a life of purpose."

I think it's not just as simple as that though.  I am not the type that would jump out of my seat and go, "Let's save the planet!"  For me, I tend to over-processed my emotions as I do sometimes in my real life job as an engineer.  Over-analyzing, over-thinking.  It's a process and a journey to get over the loneliness and coming into the grace of God with a fresh and new perspective on my purpose for the next few years.  

My next blog will hopefully be more humorous and light-hearted...