"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. " ~Hebrews 12:1-3~
These last few months have been like a race to me. Bids and budgets, budgets and bids. I just feel very swamped right now. And with that comes fatigue of working and stressing out over so many different things. Even today, a co-worker was noting that I probably even should step-it-up. But the reality of that is... I'm just so busy! How can I go any faster??? Or smarter???
But with the busyness, I kind of neglected God for a while. Well, I have been to church and taught Sunday school and made coffee for the cafe. But those are no substitutes for the real thing of spending time with God.
Tonight, out of randomness, I turned on my computer and went to Bible Gateway, a website of Biblical resources. Today's verse is as noted above. And the first few things that came to mind:
1. Our life can be like a race.
2. We are all running for the endurance.
3. We have a "cloud of witnesses". To me, that means God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is surrounding me as well as my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. And they are all here to help. To take it a little further, even though co-workers are not always believers, God placed me at this workplace in order that I learn to work with them and in turn, they kind of support me if needed.
4. Put aside things that are hindering me and causing me to stumble in the race. We may have hurdles (haha, no puns intended) but even those, God helps us jump over to get to the finish line.
5. Not to sound cliche but sometimes it's not the destination but the journey. But the journey sucks sometimes. :)
With work, I feel God is telling me to hang in there. That's it. Just keep going and just do your best.
And I'm sure people have wrote about these verses a tons of times. But it's a reminder that God is there because He has endured even more than what we can imagine!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
one day
I was inspired a few days ago to "unplug" from Facebook.
In a society where social networking via internet is the hip thing to do, it seems a little out-of-place even on my part to take a fast off Facebook.
What caused me to do it?
Well, the other day, I was absolutely off Facebook for 18 hours straight, from the time I went to bed on Monday night at 11pm to the time I got off of work Tuesday at 5pm. I had meetings and couldn't get to my iPhone at my desk during lunch since I was obliged to eat lunch up in the training (conference) room at work. I made a status update saying something like, "I went all day without Facebook" and I got some comments to that from friends stating their amazement or shock or complete surprise that I could go all day during the work hours without Facebook.
I mentioned that, yes, there is life outside of Facebook. In fact, I have went 3 days without Facebook due to the fact that I was traveling into China and China doesn't even allow Facebook into the country. I didn't even bring my laptop and left it in Hong Kong. What's the point of bringing my laptop if I can't get to more than half the sites I usually visited? Actually, I think one time I have went one week without Facebook, out of curiosity if I can do it, and I did it.
So, that inspired me to take the challenge: go 24 hours without Facebook. I think I past that already, since that started about 11:30pm last night and it's already 11:37pm. I learned a lot, depend on other things to do.
Like... I got to enjoy the Stanley Cup finals and it kind of made my dad watch the game since it was potentially the final game. Congrats to the Blackhawks. I learned a lot from this game, because so many things were going on. Cross checking (penalty), icing, off-sides... I had to look them up in the internet but it proves that if I'm paying attention to the game, I can learn without Facebook distracting me. :)
I met with a pastor at church to go over "stuff". It was very refreshing to know I'm a normal woman and that as a normal woman, I have struggles like a woman. I'm not a woman brainwashed by engineering school. :) And because I wasn't on Facebook prior to my meeting with the pastor, I think it kept me focus the whole day through this meeting and beyond.
I even cooked my dinner early! How efficient was that?
And now, I'm wasting time blogging when I should be sleeping. But Facebook fast, I should start taking those more often. :)
In a society where social networking via internet is the hip thing to do, it seems a little out-of-place even on my part to take a fast off Facebook.
What caused me to do it?
Well, the other day, I was absolutely off Facebook for 18 hours straight, from the time I went to bed on Monday night at 11pm to the time I got off of work Tuesday at 5pm. I had meetings and couldn't get to my iPhone at my desk during lunch since I was obliged to eat lunch up in the training (conference) room at work. I made a status update saying something like, "I went all day without Facebook" and I got some comments to that from friends stating their amazement or shock or complete surprise that I could go all day during the work hours without Facebook.
I mentioned that, yes, there is life outside of Facebook. In fact, I have went 3 days without Facebook due to the fact that I was traveling into China and China doesn't even allow Facebook into the country. I didn't even bring my laptop and left it in Hong Kong. What's the point of bringing my laptop if I can't get to more than half the sites I usually visited? Actually, I think one time I have went one week without Facebook, out of curiosity if I can do it, and I did it.
So, that inspired me to take the challenge: go 24 hours without Facebook. I think I past that already, since that started about 11:30pm last night and it's already 11:37pm. I learned a lot, depend on other things to do.
Like... I got to enjoy the Stanley Cup finals and it kind of made my dad watch the game since it was potentially the final game. Congrats to the Blackhawks. I learned a lot from this game, because so many things were going on. Cross checking (penalty), icing, off-sides... I had to look them up in the internet but it proves that if I'm paying attention to the game, I can learn without Facebook distracting me. :)
I met with a pastor at church to go over "stuff". It was very refreshing to know I'm a normal woman and that as a normal woman, I have struggles like a woman. I'm not a woman brainwashed by engineering school. :) And because I wasn't on Facebook prior to my meeting with the pastor, I think it kept me focus the whole day through this meeting and beyond.
I even cooked my dinner early! How efficient was that?
And now, I'm wasting time blogging when I should be sleeping. But Facebook fast, I should start taking those more often. :)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
hello, world!
"hello, world"! Specifically (in C programming):
int main()
{
printf("hello, world");
return 0;
}
First few lines... and I digress. :)
No, seriously...
I haven't blogged since August. Srsly, where was I? I actually had some thoughts to share since my last blog but I don't know what and where to start and how detailed I should get into.
It may be fitting to start off with one of my weird dreams. It's interesting to note that all my weird dreams occur in May. I've been having this reoccurring dream that I was working at an "institute" (most likely an educational institute), where I also find my engineering co-workers volunteer to tutor children computer technology. I had this dream twice. The last dream, I was in a bit of a panic because I couldn't find one of my co-workers to answer a question. It was that intense. Anywho, so, it makes me wonder what God is up to next. I'm not always the one to act on my dreams. I never took some of them seriously. But the reoccurring ones seem to bother me or interest me a little bit more. Like my dreams last year, about praying for China and a husband. Still praying! Actually, that was a little different because I heard this big booming voice in my dream. Yes, it was God talking to me. I wasn't "dreaming" (or was I).
I think God finally made me realize: I am a woman. I have emotions. I like to go shopping and wear some make-up. To recap about my childhood, I was borderline tomboy. I rather play with Legos and trains and I hung out with boys most of the time. Most of my closest friends are guys. I majored in engineering; I like science, math, and calculus. I like football and any type of contact sports. I like beer. Wings. Well, okay, I'll stop there.
But God made me woman. I have estrogen. And other things. And I like to dress up a little now. And wear make-up. I used to ignore my emotions during certain times but it's harder to control those emotions now for some reason. All I can do is try not to bite people's heads off and go home and cry. Maybe it's just the signs of growing older. *Sigh* Wears my ice cream?
Mehwiege (Marriage)
No, not getting married anytime... But I've been bitter lately. I think of all my friends, I'm one of the last few hold-outs when it comes to being single.
It was a pride thing really. For a while, I didn't want to date. I was very proud to be single. Who needs men? I have met many interesting guys, yes, but nothing that made my heart drop to my stomach. But after so long, here I am. Still single. I think my emotions and other things has started to catch up on me. Most of my friends are married, some with kids. As with many single women, I ask myself this question. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"
But as I learned today in church service, marriage is not for everybody. (1 Corinthians 7.) God did design marriage and God had a lot of lessons on being married (Ephesians 5.) But marriage doesn't bring happiness; marriage doesn't fulfill our "incompleteness." It is an example of the relationship the church has with God through Jesus. It is a covenant; a promise that one day we as Christians will be united with our Beloved. Definitely a mystery, as Ephesians 5 puts it.
But, God did ask me to pray for a husband. I'd like to think that He has a sense of humor in all this. In my frustration, my depression, my anxiety, He has a plan. As I draw nearer to Him, or even when I run away from Him for a time, He always tells me through the dreams I have been having, "I have a plan. Just you wait." :)
Now, I haven't dated in a long time. I don't even know what I'd do if some guy ask me out. I try to be myself. But if love (in the sense of a boy) does find me, I will probably act, dorky, goofy, out of sorts. It is left to my imagination, I guess, how I would react.
I guess there is nothing to be bitter about it then. I will look back on this and give a good laugh at the end, I'm sure. :)
int main()
{
printf("hello, world");
return 0;
}
First few lines... and I digress. :)
No, seriously...
I haven't blogged since August. Srsly, where was I? I actually had some thoughts to share since my last blog but I don't know what and where to start and how detailed I should get into.
It may be fitting to start off with one of my weird dreams. It's interesting to note that all my weird dreams occur in May. I've been having this reoccurring dream that I was working at an "institute" (most likely an educational institute), where I also find my engineering co-workers volunteer to tutor children computer technology. I had this dream twice. The last dream, I was in a bit of a panic because I couldn't find one of my co-workers to answer a question. It was that intense. Anywho, so, it makes me wonder what God is up to next. I'm not always the one to act on my dreams. I never took some of them seriously. But the reoccurring ones seem to bother me or interest me a little bit more. Like my dreams last year, about praying for China and a husband. Still praying! Actually, that was a little different because I heard this big booming voice in my dream. Yes, it was God talking to me. I wasn't "dreaming" (or was I).
I think God finally made me realize: I am a woman. I have emotions. I like to go shopping and wear some make-up. To recap about my childhood, I was borderline tomboy. I rather play with Legos and trains and I hung out with boys most of the time. Most of my closest friends are guys. I majored in engineering; I like science, math, and calculus. I like football and any type of contact sports. I like beer. Wings. Well, okay, I'll stop there.
But God made me woman. I have estrogen. And other things. And I like to dress up a little now. And wear make-up. I used to ignore my emotions during certain times but it's harder to control those emotions now for some reason. All I can do is try not to bite people's heads off and go home and cry. Maybe it's just the signs of growing older. *Sigh* Wears my ice cream?
Mehwiege (Marriage)
No, not getting married anytime... But I've been bitter lately. I think of all my friends, I'm one of the last few hold-outs when it comes to being single.
It was a pride thing really. For a while, I didn't want to date. I was very proud to be single. Who needs men? I have met many interesting guys, yes, but nothing that made my heart drop to my stomach. But after so long, here I am. Still single. I think my emotions and other things has started to catch up on me. Most of my friends are married, some with kids. As with many single women, I ask myself this question. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"
But as I learned today in church service, marriage is not for everybody. (1 Corinthians 7.) God did design marriage and God had a lot of lessons on being married (Ephesians 5.) But marriage doesn't bring happiness; marriage doesn't fulfill our "incompleteness." It is an example of the relationship the church has with God through Jesus. It is a covenant; a promise that one day we as Christians will be united with our Beloved. Definitely a mystery, as Ephesians 5 puts it.
But, God did ask me to pray for a husband. I'd like to think that He has a sense of humor in all this. In my frustration, my depression, my anxiety, He has a plan. As I draw nearer to Him, or even when I run away from Him for a time, He always tells me through the dreams I have been having, "I have a plan. Just you wait." :)
Now, I haven't dated in a long time. I don't even know what I'd do if some guy ask me out. I try to be myself. But if love (in the sense of a boy) does find me, I will probably act, dorky, goofy, out of sorts. It is left to my imagination, I guess, how I would react.
I guess there is nothing to be bitter about it then. I will look back on this and give a good laugh at the end, I'm sure. :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
a dream, part 2
I think part 2 (which is actually the first thing God asked me to pray about) is more baffling than the what I wrote in part 1 (which is the second thing God asked me to pray about)...
God asked me to pray for a husband.
What?
Husband?
No way!!!
But seriously...
I haven't dated in a long time. No joke.
I have my reasons.
I had a wonderful courtship 5.5 years ago. He and I didn't argue much. We generally work things out... I thought I was in love... But through that time, God shown me that I wasn't quite ready... And the relationship wasn't what I thought it would be. Looking back, I think I was young (if 23 is young), naive and part selfish to think that things would end up happily ever after. I had liked this guy for 3 years, and dated him 10 months, to come to realize it wasn't all perfect and cheery. I could go into much more details but bottom line... After the relationship, I felt like poop. I broke up with him, to clarify that point. But the poop part comes in that I felt selfish, and that i had wasted my time in liking this person. 2 years past (I didn't want to date.. period) and then I moved back to live with my parents.
During the time my mom was going through her challenges with cancer (3.5 years), I worked, went to church, took care of mom, house, and try to live life as normal as possible. In that time that I sought God, and try to find a church, it was a bit of a struggle to find a fellowship that I felt that I can serve in and be a part of a family. But the biggest struggle is finding a church with people of my own age.
I started to feel bitter about finding any kind of fellowship like that, and finding a man. My main pursuit was finding a church of sound doctrine (don't get me wrong) but I guess the underlying intent was also to find that special someone.
The last few months of my mom's life, I took a long sabbatical from church. I wasn't bitter towards God but felt guilty that I hadn't found what I was looking for. I felt bitter also towards the whole idea of finding a guy. I felt it was impossible for me.
After my mom passed away, my dad suggested I go visited our friend's church in Cornelius. I went and started to go to the single events. At first, I was a bit discouraged. Many of the singles were older and/or divorced. I was feeling bitter about the idea of marriage and relationships. (However, I soon found age and stage of life doesn't much matter...)
But God has His sense of humor in all of this. That's when one night last month, He asked me to pray for a husband. I thought, "okay, God, if you asked me to pray for a husband, I will!" You could imagine the confusion I had that week, that utter surprise of, "I can't believe God asked me to do this." Well, I guess it's not like eating worms or something like that.
I asked God a few times, "Where do I even start? I haven't dated in 5 years!"
God slowly taught me a few basic things to pray about:
1. the guy must be a Christian and loves God more than anything else, even his future wife and children.
2. a man of character but also to accept him as he is because as he is building in character with and for God, he will make mistakes and just as you make mistakes in your walk in faith with God
3. somewhat seasoned (although I'm praying about this one) - a guy who has been walking with God for a while, and not just off the presses (newbie Christian)
4. a guy with patience, as Christ loves the church with much patience, so must the husband loves his wife... with greater patience (ha, I added that in, but yes, he must be patient with me, or he will go bonkers; a twist on Ephesians 5, towards the end.)
Of course, I believe God also know my personalities well enough to hook me up with the right man.
And I think God will take care of the rest of the details. After reading all of this, it just seems so general but deep down, God knows me. (I think of Psalm 139. Great verses!)
God asked me to pray for a husband.
What?
Husband?
No way!!!
But seriously...
I haven't dated in a long time. No joke.
I have my reasons.
I had a wonderful courtship 5.5 years ago. He and I didn't argue much. We generally work things out... I thought I was in love... But through that time, God shown me that I wasn't quite ready... And the relationship wasn't what I thought it would be. Looking back, I think I was young (if 23 is young), naive and part selfish to think that things would end up happily ever after. I had liked this guy for 3 years, and dated him 10 months, to come to realize it wasn't all perfect and cheery. I could go into much more details but bottom line... After the relationship, I felt like poop. I broke up with him, to clarify that point. But the poop part comes in that I felt selfish, and that i had wasted my time in liking this person. 2 years past (I didn't want to date.. period) and then I moved back to live with my parents.
During the time my mom was going through her challenges with cancer (3.5 years), I worked, went to church, took care of mom, house, and try to live life as normal as possible. In that time that I sought God, and try to find a church, it was a bit of a struggle to find a fellowship that I felt that I can serve in and be a part of a family. But the biggest struggle is finding a church with people of my own age.
I started to feel bitter about finding any kind of fellowship like that, and finding a man. My main pursuit was finding a church of sound doctrine (don't get me wrong) but I guess the underlying intent was also to find that special someone.
The last few months of my mom's life, I took a long sabbatical from church. I wasn't bitter towards God but felt guilty that I hadn't found what I was looking for. I felt bitter also towards the whole idea of finding a guy. I felt it was impossible for me.
After my mom passed away, my dad suggested I go visited our friend's church in Cornelius. I went and started to go to the single events. At first, I was a bit discouraged. Many of the singles were older and/or divorced. I was feeling bitter about the idea of marriage and relationships. (However, I soon found age and stage of life doesn't much matter...)
But God has His sense of humor in all of this. That's when one night last month, He asked me to pray for a husband. I thought, "okay, God, if you asked me to pray for a husband, I will!" You could imagine the confusion I had that week, that utter surprise of, "I can't believe God asked me to do this." Well, I guess it's not like eating worms or something like that.
I asked God a few times, "Where do I even start? I haven't dated in 5 years!"
God slowly taught me a few basic things to pray about:
1. the guy must be a Christian and loves God more than anything else, even his future wife and children.
2. a man of character but also to accept him as he is because as he is building in character with and for God, he will make mistakes and just as you make mistakes in your walk in faith with God
3. somewhat seasoned (although I'm praying about this one) - a guy who has been walking with God for a while, and not just off the presses (newbie Christian)
4. a guy with patience, as Christ loves the church with much patience, so must the husband loves his wife... with greater patience (ha, I added that in, but yes, he must be patient with me, or he will go bonkers; a twist on Ephesians 5, towards the end.)
Of course, I believe God also know my personalities well enough to hook me up with the right man.
And I think God will take care of the rest of the details. After reading all of this, it just seems so general but deep down, God knows me. (I think of Psalm 139. Great verses!)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
a dream, part 1...
often times my greatest inspirations come late at night...
while i'm typing all lower-case...
despite the craziness i had this week at work, i had a very inspirational week.
God (in caps) spoke to me in a dream the other night. it wasn't a visual dream; it was quite dark actually. but God asked me to pray for two things... one of which i'll share here. but first, some background.
i must have been a sophomore in college when i felt God asking me to consider being a missionary. it was during that time in my life that i was very zealous for God, being a new Christian. it was also a time when the church i was with at the time, was expanding in leaps and bounds and forming new groups within. one of them was an international homegroup (lifegroup or small group, however you want to call it). we had many fond years reaching out to the internationals at nc state. and many rough moments. but our mighty leader later was lead by God to pursue other goals and dreams, thus our little group disbanded...
i later became part of a community homegroup, a mixture of working singles, grad students, families with kids and a few dogs. it was a time after i graduated and a time that i really grew as a person, in faith, and in character. our little group also reached out to internationals; within this group i learned a lot about my evangelical skills. i became friends with many wonderful people, those who were from other countries, those who had missions focus, those have went on missions, those who want to learn about other cultures and countries... i was comfortable in my environment and didn't see that i would leave this homegroup.
then, my mom became sick and i had to move back to the charlotte area. during those times my mom went through treatment, i church shopped. a lot. methodist, baptist, non-denomination, vineyard... all kinds. funny though, because i am single, i try to find a church with a singles focus. some had good groups, others were still in development. but i knew at the time i could not exert too much energy into helping create a new singles group because of my mom and her health.
after my mom past away in August, i took a sabbatical from church... and a month later started to go to a church in the huntersville/cornelius area. strangely enough, from my dad asking me to consider going even though he doesn't go to church! the singles group was humungous but yet not many people younger than 33 (why 33, i don't know). for a time, i wrestled with my thoughts in how to get something going, a younger crowd that i can hang out with, relate to, never been married. i had some thoughts, and actually one wacky idea... but still, i prayed for my calling in this ministry.
then, one night earlier this week i had a dream. i felt God spoke to me in this dream. He told me to pray for two things... one of which is that i should pray for China. singles ministry was never mentioned in my dream. the other i may explain later...
it baffled me but this dream gave me great peace for the first time in a while. and i prayed for China and the other thing God asked me to pray about.
i had a great conversation with a good friend. he just brought up something that got me thinking more. he said this, "I never really saw you as part of a Singles ministry." yes, i have that status as "single" but that shouldn't restrict me from being in other things. he went on to say that since he's known me, i've always been interested in international people.
it's what brought my mom to know Christ. it's what got my dad asking questions about Christianity. there were Chinese Christians i met in the charlotte area and became a part of my life that made a great impact on my parents.
a light bulb came to my head. well, many light bulbs came to my head. now the question is, now what? what do I do with part 1 of my dream?
while i'm typing all lower-case...
despite the craziness i had this week at work, i had a very inspirational week.
God (in caps) spoke to me in a dream the other night. it wasn't a visual dream; it was quite dark actually. but God asked me to pray for two things... one of which i'll share here. but first, some background.
i must have been a sophomore in college when i felt God asking me to consider being a missionary. it was during that time in my life that i was very zealous for God, being a new Christian. it was also a time when the church i was with at the time, was expanding in leaps and bounds and forming new groups within. one of them was an international homegroup (lifegroup or small group, however you want to call it). we had many fond years reaching out to the internationals at nc state. and many rough moments. but our mighty leader later was lead by God to pursue other goals and dreams, thus our little group disbanded...
i later became part of a community homegroup, a mixture of working singles, grad students, families with kids and a few dogs. it was a time after i graduated and a time that i really grew as a person, in faith, and in character. our little group also reached out to internationals; within this group i learned a lot about my evangelical skills. i became friends with many wonderful people, those who were from other countries, those who had missions focus, those have went on missions, those who want to learn about other cultures and countries... i was comfortable in my environment and didn't see that i would leave this homegroup.
then, my mom became sick and i had to move back to the charlotte area. during those times my mom went through treatment, i church shopped. a lot. methodist, baptist, non-denomination, vineyard... all kinds. funny though, because i am single, i try to find a church with a singles focus. some had good groups, others were still in development. but i knew at the time i could not exert too much energy into helping create a new singles group because of my mom and her health.
after my mom past away in August, i took a sabbatical from church... and a month later started to go to a church in the huntersville/cornelius area. strangely enough, from my dad asking me to consider going even though he doesn't go to church! the singles group was humungous but yet not many people younger than 33 (why 33, i don't know). for a time, i wrestled with my thoughts in how to get something going, a younger crowd that i can hang out with, relate to, never been married. i had some thoughts, and actually one wacky idea... but still, i prayed for my calling in this ministry.
then, one night earlier this week i had a dream. i felt God spoke to me in this dream. He told me to pray for two things... one of which is that i should pray for China. singles ministry was never mentioned in my dream. the other i may explain later...
it baffled me but this dream gave me great peace for the first time in a while. and i prayed for China and the other thing God asked me to pray about.
i had a great conversation with a good friend. he just brought up something that got me thinking more. he said this, "I never really saw you as part of a Singles ministry." yes, i have that status as "single" but that shouldn't restrict me from being in other things. he went on to say that since he's known me, i've always been interested in international people.
it's what brought my mom to know Christ. it's what got my dad asking questions about Christianity. there were Chinese Christians i met in the charlotte area and became a part of my life that made a great impact on my parents.
a light bulb came to my head. well, many light bulbs came to my head. now the question is, now what? what do I do with part 1 of my dream?
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