This month has been kind of tough on me emotionally. It started with PMS (yes, I'm going to be open about this one) but the emotional funk lasted a little longer than usual.
I think it hit me that my mom is finally gone. It was surreal at first. But now, it has finally sinked in. I'm the type of person that, for whatever reason, goes through a denial stage for a while. Then the feeling hits and it's very overwhelming. Whether I'm moving, someone died, I have a sudden life change, the emotions will follow weeks, months, even years after.
I think I have let my own evil get the best of me. I remember before my mom died that she told me she wanted to see me get married. She wanted to see grandchildren. In some regards, I feel like a failure in this department. The feeling of it really sucks. I hate to blame her at the same time too. Growing up, I was HIGHLY encouraged to study all the time and didn't really hang out with a lot of people in high school. But then, it was my choice during college to be part of a conservative church, and although dating wasn't discouraged, purity was encouraged (if that makes sense), so I was taught and I learned to wait... and wait... and wait.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with waiting for the right person. But the time I spent in Charlotte taking care of family, I never really go out much. I did the church thing but wasn't around people my age.
Interestly enough, I was blessed to be around Christians at work who are my age, so there's some fellowship there. Yeah, we got the Baptists and remote Catholics (as in they live far far from Charlotte)... But still, the church I got to now, there are a few of us who are under 30, so that's something.
I guess I'm also sad that my dad's health is kind of shaky right now. He's got a few Dr. appts. and a few scares. My mind is screaming, "It's not fair!" And I'm also thinking, "here we go again..." I already took care of one parent, I have to take care of another. I'm not good at this...
It makes me sad that someday my dad will pass on. He's not in the greatest of health and he's on 6 medications (well, 3 of them are eye drops; but if he doesn't take them, he can go blind). I don't know how he feels but I want him to live at least to give me away if I were to get married.
But in all of this, God is taking me through this journey so that I can learn something. As this is not my control but His control that these things should happen, for my good, whatever that might be. I think preseverance is something God is continually teaching me.
Also, taking risk. For example... I think in social situations where I'm with people I don't know well, I tend to shy away. But I'm learning to just open my mouth and talk. Be more comfortable in my own skin. I think I have scared men that I majored in engineering... But so what! I'm smart! :) Back off boys... LOL, just kidding. I'm not afraid to say I like football either. Or that I prefer eating wings and ribs than being in a fancy restaurants and to have to pay $20 for a 6 oz sirloin steak. Forget fancy shmancy!
I think sometimes I'm a social failure. I can't flirt. I just can't. I'm such a dork; and a slight tom-boy. Growing up, I rather play with Legos than dressing-up. I don't even remember if I liked to dress up! I did do some girly things, like play house, or play with my dolls. Anyways, my girly mode isn't quite on sometimes. i am just now learning to dress more girly, instead of just denim jeans and a t-shirt. Although, some shirts are girly... Hey, just to clarify, i'm not a lesbian. I like men. Dorky men. Hey, that's a thought...
I'm starting to tangent but writing this is therapy to me, so thanks for reading my rantings. Any ideas or support is appreciated. :)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The year of 2008
At a recent birthday dinner, a friend of mine asked me, "What have you accomplished this year?"
I answered, "I don't know, it has been a rough year."
It has been a challenging year for the family. With my mom's declining health, my dad and I had to take care of her until her death in August. While my parents were in Hong Kong for two months earlier this year, I had to jungle full-time work, and taking a class at night, with Chinese language class once a week. (That, I don't think I want to do again... unless I have someone to cook me food!)
While this year was shadowed by my mom's health and bad economy, I did think of a few things that I did accomplish:
1. I can carry somewhat of a simple conversation in Mandarin-Chinese.
2. I have learned to cook a few Chinese dishes that my mom used to cook. But I'm not as good as her.
3. Work-wise, I'm done with documentation for UV standard products.
4. I finally understand what bioassay is and what the regulations are in the U.S.
5. Even though this was a challenging year, I believe God has made me a stronger person. I haven't really felt close to God or connected to fellowship in a while, but God is still there for me. I think my view of humanity has changed. I think being part of some conservative churches in the past effected my view on people such that people should be "projects". But being part of a Methodist church for a while, that has taught me how to accept people as they are and lean on the hope that people will come to know Christ. It also tested my view that we are not all enemies but we are all people. It's a different mentality... It truly test your belief not to judge others as sinners but potential brothers and sisters in Christ. People are people, with basic emotions and needs. We smile, we laugh, we cry. We love, we hate. We eat and sleep. But yet, God gave us different personalities and behaviors that makes us who we are.
Being with my family and around Asians, we (or they) think differently than Westerners. I think this part I'm still analyzing because I view things on both side of the fence, being raised here in the U.S. but also being Asian.
I think even the past 4 months have been tough in that I had to re-adjust to a new schedule. It's weird to say but there is a lot of freedom now that my mom is no longer with us. I mean, I miss my mom, don't get me wrong. Now, I struggle with finding things to do...
With that said, I was thinking of things I want to accomplish for 2009:
1. I think I finally found a church I like. I have visited many churches in the past 3 years, and all of them have been great churches. But it's been kind of difficult to find a niche, to find the right chemistry, so to speak, and usually it takes time to build relationships. So, I think that this year, I want to become involved with a church I've been visiting for a few months. I went to their "membership" class which they called "partnership classes" to learn more about their beliefs and doctrine. It's in line with what I believe, so I'm going to stick around. The church is also building up their single's ministry, hopefully in bringing in more younger singles (more my age).
2. I want to be involved with a non-profit organization. There are tons in Charlotte. Some are belief-based and some are not. I've been thinking long and hard about this because for the longest time, I actually wanted to take a class again to go towards a Master's. But I had this "light bulb" moment today that even though I may get a MBA or whatever Master's I choose, it's not going to be as rewarding as being part of an organization that I can contribute to humanity. I think volunteering my time in helping others is more rewarding than going back to school to gain a Master's.
One organization I was looking into is Water for People. Water for People is a non-profit organization made up of professionals in the U.S. I realize that there are a lot of mission type groups, but most focus on construction in a foreign country. Water for People is not affiliated with a religious group but I think it may have a place for me since I am interested in improving the basic needs of water treatment to a developing nation (if that nation needs or wants it). But there are limits. There are groups of people that may not think they need it, which is quite alright too. The last thing I want to do is force my view of a modern world upon a group of people who think they don't need it.
3. Exercise more. I know, it sounds pretty cliche. Before my mom's death, I was really on a role though. I ate 5 times a day (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner), I lifted weights, I did cardio 30-40 minutes a day (excluding warm-up and cool-down). I actually lost some weight and toned my muscles. But with the schedule change, I think I have gain some back. :-(
4. Run a 5K. But I need a buddy/trainer/motivation. I would like to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in October, so that should be my goal. I have about 9 months, right? :) Or maybe I should find something closer in the calendar...
5. Finally... I have been going through spiritual funk for a long time. I think partly that I have been church hopping and not feel connected to any fellowship. I hope and pray that this year, I can re-start being more with God through quiet time and connecting to a fellowship. Like I said in #1, I want to be more involved again with church and I hope that would help with me be spiritually challenged in my life.
There's probably more I can think of but so far, this is it. :)
I answered, "I don't know, it has been a rough year."
It has been a challenging year for the family. With my mom's declining health, my dad and I had to take care of her until her death in August. While my parents were in Hong Kong for two months earlier this year, I had to jungle full-time work, and taking a class at night, with Chinese language class once a week. (That, I don't think I want to do again... unless I have someone to cook me food!)
While this year was shadowed by my mom's health and bad economy, I did think of a few things that I did accomplish:
1. I can carry somewhat of a simple conversation in Mandarin-Chinese.
2. I have learned to cook a few Chinese dishes that my mom used to cook. But I'm not as good as her.
3. Work-wise, I'm done with documentation for UV standard products.
4. I finally understand what bioassay is and what the regulations are in the U.S.
5. Even though this was a challenging year, I believe God has made me a stronger person. I haven't really felt close to God or connected to fellowship in a while, but God is still there for me. I think my view of humanity has changed. I think being part of some conservative churches in the past effected my view on people such that people should be "projects". But being part of a Methodist church for a while, that has taught me how to accept people as they are and lean on the hope that people will come to know Christ. It also tested my view that we are not all enemies but we are all people. It's a different mentality... It truly test your belief not to judge others as sinners but potential brothers and sisters in Christ. People are people, with basic emotions and needs. We smile, we laugh, we cry. We love, we hate. We eat and sleep. But yet, God gave us different personalities and behaviors that makes us who we are.
Being with my family and around Asians, we (or they) think differently than Westerners. I think this part I'm still analyzing because I view things on both side of the fence, being raised here in the U.S. but also being Asian.
I think even the past 4 months have been tough in that I had to re-adjust to a new schedule. It's weird to say but there is a lot of freedom now that my mom is no longer with us. I mean, I miss my mom, don't get me wrong. Now, I struggle with finding things to do...
With that said, I was thinking of things I want to accomplish for 2009:
1. I think I finally found a church I like. I have visited many churches in the past 3 years, and all of them have been great churches. But it's been kind of difficult to find a niche, to find the right chemistry, so to speak, and usually it takes time to build relationships. So, I think that this year, I want to become involved with a church I've been visiting for a few months. I went to their "membership" class which they called "partnership classes" to learn more about their beliefs and doctrine. It's in line with what I believe, so I'm going to stick around. The church is also building up their single's ministry, hopefully in bringing in more younger singles (more my age).
2. I want to be involved with a non-profit organization. There are tons in Charlotte. Some are belief-based and some are not. I've been thinking long and hard about this because for the longest time, I actually wanted to take a class again to go towards a Master's. But I had this "light bulb" moment today that even though I may get a MBA or whatever Master's I choose, it's not going to be as rewarding as being part of an organization that I can contribute to humanity. I think volunteering my time in helping others is more rewarding than going back to school to gain a Master's.
One organization I was looking into is Water for People. Water for People is a non-profit organization made up of professionals in the U.S. I realize that there are a lot of mission type groups, but most focus on construction in a foreign country. Water for People is not affiliated with a religious group but I think it may have a place for me since I am interested in improving the basic needs of water treatment to a developing nation (if that nation needs or wants it). But there are limits. There are groups of people that may not think they need it, which is quite alright too. The last thing I want to do is force my view of a modern world upon a group of people who think they don't need it.
3. Exercise more. I know, it sounds pretty cliche. Before my mom's death, I was really on a role though. I ate 5 times a day (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner), I lifted weights, I did cardio 30-40 minutes a day (excluding warm-up and cool-down). I actually lost some weight and toned my muscles. But with the schedule change, I think I have gain some back. :-(
4. Run a 5K. But I need a buddy/trainer/motivation. I would like to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in October, so that should be my goal. I have about 9 months, right? :) Or maybe I should find something closer in the calendar...
5. Finally... I have been going through spiritual funk for a long time. I think partly that I have been church hopping and not feel connected to any fellowship. I hope and pray that this year, I can re-start being more with God through quiet time and connecting to a fellowship. Like I said in #1, I want to be more involved again with church and I hope that would help with me be spiritually challenged in my life.
There's probably more I can think of but so far, this is it. :)
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Jesus tough love
Today is Labor Day and it has been two weeks since my mom's death.
I'm still really sad that my mom past away. This past week has been eerily strange to come home in the evenings and no one is at home. My dad works nights now. Even when my mom was in bed most of the time, I came to her side and talk about my day.
I'm not sure if you have witness someone dying before. I saw three love ones die in my life and each time I experience something different. When my grandmother (dad's mom) past away in 1995, I wasn't a Christian then. I had sort of a Buddhist view on the afterlife, of reincarnation, imagining that she is in another body. I guess her death hasn't greatly affected me because I wasn't extremely close to her. She was also pretty old and she had poor health and a frail body. So, I knew it was probably time for her to go.
When my uncle died of lung cancer 3 years ago, I can't help to think that he is in hell. I knew some people have reached out to him. But my aunt has a strong personality in that it's her way or no way. Her way is that no one should interfer with her and her loves ones about Christianity.
Mom and her death was different. These past 3 years, I had hoped and prayed for her. I knew many people have come by to talk to her... and to talk to her about Jesus and God. Each time, in her own way, she will say, "I'll think about it." Even when she was in Hong Kong, one of her cousins, who is a layperson at a church, came to talk to her and pray for her.
Her death has given me mixed emotions about my faith. I don't doubt Jesus that this should happen but I guess I doubt my abilities as a Christian. I haven't talked to my mom that deeply about Christ. I haven't asked her if she has accepted Jesus. There is a sense of guilt and shame about not communicating the message to my mom. But all I could tell her the week prior to her death that I love her and she understood. I do feel fortunate that other Christians were around to share Jesus to my mom. Maybe someday, I'll know if she has accepted Christ.
God has reminded me of His tough love in Luke 9:57-62, about the people who say they'll follow Jesus. I'm not sure how this story links to my situation... But I feel first that God is there to let me know that everything is alright. Although, I haven't done much in regards to fellowship for the past 3 years, I felt this message is telling me move on, to continue to pray and search for a fellowship and proclaim his truth. Although, I felt like a failure in sharing with my family, there is also some comfort from God that He knew I've done my best.
It's hard to move on after a death of a love one. But I know my mom would want me to move on... I know God would want me to move on too.
I watched my mom's final hours. It's hard to see her suffer and I haven't gotten over the image out of my mind. At the same time, I have been thinking about my younger days with my mom and my family. Like, I remember a time when I was probably 3 or 4, where I had touched broken glass while playing outside. My whole hand was bleeding and my mom freaked out. She took me inside, wash my hands and sucked my bleeding fingers to get the germs out. Then she put like tons of bandaids on my fingers. I don't know why I remembered that so well.
Maybe it was a message that God will heal my bloody hands (and brokenheart), just has He did to Jesus.
***Sunday Sermon***
Sunday, I went to church for the first time in 3 weeks. I've been visiting a church called Steele Creek Church of Charlotte. It's a contemporary church where their focus is on relationships with God through Jesus and with people in home fellowships. The Sunday service is usually 1.5 hours long. For the format of Sunday there's normally a call to worship, then announcements, and then a time of prayer and offering, then the sermon, then the closing songs and benediction.
Sunday was a different type of service though. There wasn't a message today but a time of mostly prayer and ministering to others. The theme and message was that the house of the Lord is a house of prayer and that God heals the brokenhearted. There were several times where specific groups will go to the front of the church: missionaries, widows, single moms, and the people for the traditional alter call.
I have been feeling brokenhearted for the past few weeks. I can't explain this mixture of emotions and my logical mind wants to sort it all out. It's sometimes a surge of emotions that I can't control, sometimes a sense of emptiness, and sometimes a sense of anxiousness. But many times through my mind, God tells me that everything is under His control and that everything is alright.
Matthew 11: 28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I'm still really sad that my mom past away. This past week has been eerily strange to come home in the evenings and no one is at home. My dad works nights now. Even when my mom was in bed most of the time, I came to her side and talk about my day.
I'm not sure if you have witness someone dying before. I saw three love ones die in my life and each time I experience something different. When my grandmother (dad's mom) past away in 1995, I wasn't a Christian then. I had sort of a Buddhist view on the afterlife, of reincarnation, imagining that she is in another body. I guess her death hasn't greatly affected me because I wasn't extremely close to her. She was also pretty old and she had poor health and a frail body. So, I knew it was probably time for her to go.
When my uncle died of lung cancer 3 years ago, I can't help to think that he is in hell. I knew some people have reached out to him. But my aunt has a strong personality in that it's her way or no way. Her way is that no one should interfer with her and her loves ones about Christianity.
Mom and her death was different. These past 3 years, I had hoped and prayed for her. I knew many people have come by to talk to her... and to talk to her about Jesus and God. Each time, in her own way, she will say, "I'll think about it." Even when she was in Hong Kong, one of her cousins, who is a layperson at a church, came to talk to her and pray for her.
Her death has given me mixed emotions about my faith. I don't doubt Jesus that this should happen but I guess I doubt my abilities as a Christian. I haven't talked to my mom that deeply about Christ. I haven't asked her if she has accepted Jesus. There is a sense of guilt and shame about not communicating the message to my mom. But all I could tell her the week prior to her death that I love her and she understood. I do feel fortunate that other Christians were around to share Jesus to my mom. Maybe someday, I'll know if she has accepted Christ.
God has reminded me of His tough love in Luke 9:57-62, about the people who say they'll follow Jesus. I'm not sure how this story links to my situation... But I feel first that God is there to let me know that everything is alright. Although, I haven't done much in regards to fellowship for the past 3 years, I felt this message is telling me move on, to continue to pray and search for a fellowship and proclaim his truth. Although, I felt like a failure in sharing with my family, there is also some comfort from God that He knew I've done my best.
It's hard to move on after a death of a love one. But I know my mom would want me to move on... I know God would want me to move on too.
I watched my mom's final hours. It's hard to see her suffer and I haven't gotten over the image out of my mind. At the same time, I have been thinking about my younger days with my mom and my family. Like, I remember a time when I was probably 3 or 4, where I had touched broken glass while playing outside. My whole hand was bleeding and my mom freaked out. She took me inside, wash my hands and sucked my bleeding fingers to get the germs out. Then she put like tons of bandaids on my fingers. I don't know why I remembered that so well.
Maybe it was a message that God will heal my bloody hands (and brokenheart), just has He did to Jesus.
***Sunday Sermon***
Sunday, I went to church for the first time in 3 weeks. I've been visiting a church called Steele Creek Church of Charlotte. It's a contemporary church where their focus is on relationships with God through Jesus and with people in home fellowships. The Sunday service is usually 1.5 hours long. For the format of Sunday there's normally a call to worship, then announcements, and then a time of prayer and offering, then the sermon, then the closing songs and benediction.
Sunday was a different type of service though. There wasn't a message today but a time of mostly prayer and ministering to others. The theme and message was that the house of the Lord is a house of prayer and that God heals the brokenhearted. There were several times where specific groups will go to the front of the church: missionaries, widows, single moms, and the people for the traditional alter call.
I have been feeling brokenhearted for the past few weeks. I can't explain this mixture of emotions and my logical mind wants to sort it all out. It's sometimes a surge of emotions that I can't control, sometimes a sense of emptiness, and sometimes a sense of anxiousness. But many times through my mind, God tells me that everything is under His control and that everything is alright.
Matthew 11: 28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
One Tuesday afternoon
Today has been a sleepy Tuesday.
Not much is going on at work.
As I listen to my English co-worker talk about English sausage to my Southern co-worker, who proclaims in dislikes of any sausage (rather strange coming from a Southern co-worker), I wonder what I will do after work.
Then all of a sudden...
I get an email of panic.
Not really.
But it's nice to add some drama to this one Tuesday afternoon.
Not much is going on at work.
As I listen to my English co-worker talk about English sausage to my Southern co-worker, who proclaims in dislikes of any sausage (rather strange coming from a Southern co-worker), I wonder what I will do after work.
Then all of a sudden...
I get an email of panic.
Not really.
But it's nice to add some drama to this one Tuesday afternoon.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Religion... in general
I've taken sort of a one month sabbatical from going to church. I wouldn't say that I fell off the face of Christianity or became unreligious in anyway. I would say that this was a much needed break.I originally started this in Facebook around June 17th and I vaguely remember why I want to write this. It was about religion in general, mainly what I have learned (or have not learned) in this one month break.
I sort of have this view how humans made their appearance around the world after Babel. I believe God created the world, all the natural resources, and life (animals and people). I believe He did it in 6 days (where he rest on the 7th). Then, as you may read through the first book of the Bible, Genesis, God scattered the people of the world after the Tower of Babel was built because the people tried to get as close to God as they can...
So, these people are scattered about earth. And they carried with them a little bit of the DNA of the belief of one God. As time pass, I believe people lost sight of the one God and created other things to believe in... or nothing at all. But I believe that these people to this day carry this little piece of DNA and that someday, possibly, they will hear the Truth again.
Sounds kind of bizarre, right? I mean, this is all me thinking outloud, so this by no means is taken from any other text or religious work. Do people really carry this little piece of "God" within, hoping that it will bud into the belief that there is the Almighty One?
A quote from Romans 2:
"14 Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. 15 They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. 16 And this is the message I proclaim—that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life."
Briefly, Paul is teaching the Romans that they themselves are subject to the judgement of God when they mistreat others because they (Romans) think they (other Gentiles) are doing wrong. And how would anybody else around such Gentiles know that these Gentiles are obeying God when even the authorities may not know God's law?
I have a point here but I want to read a few more religious pieces of work before I say anything.
Speaking of reading, I have checked out a Catholic Bible and started to read The Book of Tobit. Fascinating, in an objective way. I'm determining whether it flows through the rest of the Bible and make an opinion about its placement in the Catholic Bible. Tobit is quite a good book, and I've only read 4 chapters so far.
Reading the "missing books" in the Catholic Bible is only one part of my religious studies. My next book will be the Book of Mormons, maybe follow by reading a few bits of the Qu'ran... I'm not sure what other religious books are out there.
I guess I'm trying to achieve a few things.
1. I want to broaden my spiritual view. Don't worry, I won't fall away from God. But this is actually an example I'm taking from work. Lately, I have been doing market research, why did we win, and why did we lose. Well, in doing this research, I need to find out our competitor's information before I make a case about it. I believe some people in the Christian world are equip to do so, learn about other religions to build a case for Christ. I mean, why would a standardize protocol for bioassay applying to discharge WW be better than our competitor's so-called "fecal" bioassay, where God knows what they really did? Why is being a Christian better than being a Muslim? Simply saying, "The Bible told me so..." for a while, hasn't even cut it for me! It's a good start, to read the Bible, but I want more education on the other religions before proclaiming something I'm believing, you know? It's not wrong to read other religions as long as you know what you personally believe (and maybe you don't really believe and you are just curious) and that you read into other religious books objectively.
2. What the heck is the Book of Mormon (which was "the point" I want to make later but I'll say something about it now). Well, from the little I know, it is the account of the people from the Old World coming to the New World and after a while, Jesus came to visit them before the ascension. That, to me, simply doesn't address the rest of the world, like Asia or Africa. Would Jesus do the same thing and visit them as well? Or wouldn't God send prophets to take care of these people before the visitation of Jesus. I dunno. I have heard that Lao Tze was actually a so-called prophet and have told the Chinese of a Savior, but I would have to look into that too. I would need to read the Book of Mormon to get a better opinion.
3. I'm bored. :) No, really, I don't have much going on when I go home. I mean, I have to cook and clean around, but there's some free time for me to either surf the internet or read a book.
4. I think with all these religions, it all has to point and tie into God. The people of this earth have came from people of Babel and there has to be some evidence that we all carry a little part of God's love and law in our mind and hearts. And through our activities, rules, laws, books, school, there's got to be some evidence that God plays a role in all of these, even if the "Gentiles" do not realize it.
Well, I'm off my soapbox. Peace!
I sort of have this view how humans made their appearance around the world after Babel. I believe God created the world, all the natural resources, and life (animals and people). I believe He did it in 6 days (where he rest on the 7th). Then, as you may read through the first book of the Bible, Genesis, God scattered the people of the world after the Tower of Babel was built because the people tried to get as close to God as they can...
So, these people are scattered about earth. And they carried with them a little bit of the DNA of the belief of one God. As time pass, I believe people lost sight of the one God and created other things to believe in... or nothing at all. But I believe that these people to this day carry this little piece of DNA and that someday, possibly, they will hear the Truth again.
Sounds kind of bizarre, right? I mean, this is all me thinking outloud, so this by no means is taken from any other text or religious work. Do people really carry this little piece of "God" within, hoping that it will bud into the belief that there is the Almighty One?
A quote from Romans 2:
"14 Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. 15 They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. 16 And this is the message I proclaim—that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life."
Briefly, Paul is teaching the Romans that they themselves are subject to the judgement of God when they mistreat others because they (Romans) think they (other Gentiles) are doing wrong. And how would anybody else around such Gentiles know that these Gentiles are obeying God when even the authorities may not know God's law?
I have a point here but I want to read a few more religious pieces of work before I say anything.
Speaking of reading, I have checked out a Catholic Bible and started to read The Book of Tobit. Fascinating, in an objective way. I'm determining whether it flows through the rest of the Bible and make an opinion about its placement in the Catholic Bible. Tobit is quite a good book, and I've only read 4 chapters so far.
Reading the "missing books" in the Catholic Bible is only one part of my religious studies. My next book will be the Book of Mormons, maybe follow by reading a few bits of the Qu'ran... I'm not sure what other religious books are out there.
I guess I'm trying to achieve a few things.
1. I want to broaden my spiritual view. Don't worry, I won't fall away from God. But this is actually an example I'm taking from work. Lately, I have been doing market research, why did we win, and why did we lose. Well, in doing this research, I need to find out our competitor's information before I make a case about it. I believe some people in the Christian world are equip to do so, learn about other religions to build a case for Christ. I mean, why would a standardize protocol for bioassay applying to discharge WW be better than our competitor's so-called "fecal" bioassay, where God knows what they really did? Why is being a Christian better than being a Muslim? Simply saying, "The Bible told me so..." for a while, hasn't even cut it for me! It's a good start, to read the Bible, but I want more education on the other religions before proclaiming something I'm believing, you know? It's not wrong to read other religions as long as you know what you personally believe (and maybe you don't really believe and you are just curious) and that you read into other religious books objectively.
2. What the heck is the Book of Mormon (which was "the point" I want to make later but I'll say something about it now). Well, from the little I know, it is the account of the people from the Old World coming to the New World and after a while, Jesus came to visit them before the ascension. That, to me, simply doesn't address the rest of the world, like Asia or Africa. Would Jesus do the same thing and visit them as well? Or wouldn't God send prophets to take care of these people before the visitation of Jesus. I dunno. I have heard that Lao Tze was actually a so-called prophet and have told the Chinese of a Savior, but I would have to look into that too. I would need to read the Book of Mormon to get a better opinion.
3. I'm bored. :) No, really, I don't have much going on when I go home. I mean, I have to cook and clean around, but there's some free time for me to either surf the internet or read a book.
4. I think with all these religions, it all has to point and tie into God. The people of this earth have came from people of Babel and there has to be some evidence that we all carry a little part of God's love and law in our mind and hearts. And through our activities, rules, laws, books, school, there's got to be some evidence that God plays a role in all of these, even if the "Gentiles" do not realize it.
Well, I'm off my soapbox. Peace!
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