Most of my life, I had the challenge of connecting with
people.
Maybe partly because I am Chinese American, who start school
not knowing a single word of English.
The initial steps of making friends were hard if you do not speak the
language.
Then there is the sciency mind that God has given me. Most people in engineering and the science
field are stereotypically socially awkward.
Or maybe because I’m Asian.
Most Asians do not always open up in acknowledging mistakes. Most Asians also do not try to challenge
authority.
But whatever it is, I realize we live in a society that is
influenced by success, wealth, and technology.
With 10% of the world population ever experiencing such wealth, we
indeed live in a high-speed society.
But there is still some common threads as humans that we connect with
each other in an authentic way beyond success, wealth, and technology…
The Power of Vulnerability
I visited my very good friend who
lives in Wilmington and she introduced me to a TED talk with Dr. Brené
Brown. Dr. Brown is a Licensed Master in Social Work (LMSW) and currently
a research professor at the University of Houston. (TED stands for
Technical, Entertainment, and Design. This organization invites people
from the science, entertainment and design field to talk about different
aspects of life and society.) In this particular video, The Power of
Vulnerability, she explored how and why people need connection and the
power of vulnerability through a 6 to 10 year research.
Why
is it important to be vulnerable to feel connected?
What I got out of the 20 minute
talk was this:
- Sense of shame is the fear of being disconnected.
- Sense of worthiness is the sense of being loved, belonging and believing that they are worthy.
- But how do people achieve this? What do these people have in common?
- They are wholehearted and they have the courage to tell their story with their whole heart. They are not afraid to be vulnerable.
- Vulnerability is a beautiful thing.
- We are born imperfect. We are hardwired to struggle.
Most people would think being
vulnerable is a weakness (in a later video,
Dr. Brown talks about shame, how people think vulnerability is a
weakness). But being open and honest with oneself can be freeing.
In my Asianess, I struggle with
being open and to challenge myself in many areas of life. I think in the
Asian culture, Asians tend to be respectful to the elders, to listen and learn
and to obey. But the fault in that may lie in me not being open and share
my thoughts. Most Asians do not always want to challenge authority
directly but in a round-about way. And most Asians may not want to
challenge themselves. Ultimately, am I honest with myself? Am I
ashamed of my mistakes? Fear of rejection? Is that shame I feel,
that I am not the "norm", keeping me away from being connected to
people and challenging myself?
That is when God came in...
'But
he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so
that Christ’s power may rest on me.'
~2
Corinthians 12:9~
The very fear of weakness keeps us from connecting with people. Even if we are in a position of authority and wealth in our community and jobs, each of us have that "weak spot". When we
accept Christ as our Savior, it comes with an understanding that God loves us
even when we're weak and vulnerable. It is He who makes us realize how fragile and vulnerable we really are? When we are imperfect, God is
strong. We were born to struggle and figure things out in life.
Real vulnerability is beautiful when we freely tell God what is in our hearts and our minds. Real vulnerability is being real to oneself and others, and allows us to empathize with one another. We were born to have relationships. We were born to have a relationship with God. We were born worthy to be loved and to love others.
In her study, Dr. Brown says those
who are vulnerable tell their story with a wholeheart: these people have a
willingness to love with no guarantees.
They have the courage to be imperfect and compassionate to themselves
and others. They hold back
nothing.
